Wanna hear a story bout my uncle turza.... My uncle turza was eating fruit loops one day and there was a squirrel in the trre from 2 days ago he got angry because the spoon was from the phillipines so he punched a whole in the wall and his half uncle cousins sister had a cage.... True story

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A blone walks into a bank in New York City and asks the bank teller for a $5000 loan because she's going to Mexico for 2 weeks. The bank teller said he would need some security for the money. The blonde tells him her new Rolls Royce is in the parking Lot and she hands him the keys. The blonde gets the money and goes on her trip. Another employee at the bank then parks the car in the underground parking garage. He later ffinds out the blonde is a multi millionaire. When the blonde arrives home from she pays back the $5000 and $15 interest. When the bank teller asks her why she gave them a $250000 car for security or needed the $5000 loan if she was a multi millionaire, the blonde answers, "Where else can you park your car in New York City and expect it to stillbe there when you return?"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are red Violets are blue I have ADD Oooh a cloud

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What is it... Michael J Fox has a small one, modonna doesnt have one, Arnold Shwatznegger has a long one, the pope doesn't use his, and bill clinton uses his a lot. A last name

thumb_up thumb_down +8

i told my parents that i was having friends come over my dad said great my mom said great so i said great

thumb_up thumb_down +8

One day a boy asks his teacher what blue velvet is then the teacher says "we don't ask questions like that in my class go to principal's office now"so the boy goes to the principal's office and then the boy asks "what is blue velvet"then the principal says"no one says that in my school get out" so the boy goes home and asks his mom what is blue velvet then his mom says you don't say stuff like that in my house get out!so the boy see's the Mayer. So the boy asks the Mayer what blue velvet is then the Mayer says no one says that in my town get out of my town! So the boy see's a man and the boy goes to the man and the man asks what happend to you and the boy says well I got kicked out of school kicked out of my house and got thrown out of town just because i asked what blue velvet is! So the man tells the boy that there is a lady across the street. So the boy is in the road and then the boy gets ran over and dies. So the lesson here is look both ways before crossing a street

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a man without any money? Broke.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

a cat a dog and a penis meet up. The cat said ur lucky, when you have to pee u can go wherever you want. the dog said your lucky you can go in a litter box. the penis said your lucky u dont have to put a ballon over your head and do pushups till you throw up!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's worse than a pile of dead babies A live one eating its way out!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

everyone dislike this

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Irish sobriety

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats funny about this joke? nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the chicken cross the road? Listen, it's a free country.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are blue Violets are red I'm bad at poetry Potato

thumb_up thumb_down +8

It was Jimmy's 18th bday so his parents let him have the house to himself. He ate shrooms, fucked his turtle, then had his dick bitten off.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did little Jimmy go crying to his mummy? Because she was shot.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How did the man lose his arm? beacuse of the five year old with a knife obsesion standing right beind you at this minute...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why do Christian protest against gay marriage? They protest because they believe gay marriage is a sin.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why doed Dorris suffer from incontinence? A weiner dog punctured her bladder.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was the pig squealing? Because all four of its legs were tied together and it was about to have it's head chopped off so the meat could be processed for people to enjoy.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you can a stinky mexican? Whatevet his name may be. Possibly Jose

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the man fall off his bike? Because he wasn't on a bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops