There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

what's worse than falling and scraping your knee? living within a 10 mile radius of a Japanese nuclear reactor

A blonde walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What're you drinking?" The blonde says, "Nothing yet. That's why I'm in a bar. But your lack of basic observation skills is disturbing."

Is your refrigerator running? I heard there was a power outage in your area.

A bar walks into a man... Wait, that's impossible.

What do you call a lot of Chinese people in a confined place? A Chinese urban center.

How many fish does it take to brush their teeth? Jp's worth of fish isn't enough.

The cream, it is coming

Johnny had 100 chocolate bars. He ate 95 and gave 3 to his friend. What does Johnny have now? Diabetes

How much does a dead baby weight? the same amount when it was alive!

How do you make a drug dealer cry? Just say no

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed One fell off and bumped his head Mama called the doctor an the doctor said, "I am calling Child Protection Services."

"I had angry birds before it was cool." -Alfred Hitchcock

Why is Ray Charles always smiling? He's not, corpses rarely smile

How do you make an apple puff? Put the apple in a large pan with some water. Cover and cook gently for 20-25 minutes until soft. Add sugar and nutmeg to taste. Transfer to a bowl and leave to cool. Cover with pastry and bake until well-risen and golden.

Why doesnt your dad like barrack Obama? because your dad is straight, hes not into men

How do you find the richest man in Mexico? Go through government records and tax files and find the person with the highest salary

An American, Mexican, and Chinese men are each asked to throw something off a cliff that they have too much of. The Chinese threw off rice. The Mexican threw off tacos. And the Americans.. Well.. They threw off the Mexicans.

So an alien walks into a bar......... and everyone runs away secreaming because theres an alien in the bar.

Doctor Doctor! I think im turning into a carrot! Thats a side effect of the drugs Alice, We've just had your test results back. I'm sorry Alice, You've got HIV.

don't just stand there

How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.

roses are red violets are blue i use refrigerators to keep my food cool

What did the boy skip rocks with? -A rock

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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