What looks like a duck, smells like a duck and feels like a duck? A duck.

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(SAY KATCHUP AND LICKER AFTER EVERY SENTENCE) FOR BREAKFEAST I HAD (KATCHUP AND LICKER) FOR LUNCH I HAD I SEE MY GIRL FRIEND AT THE MALL SO I (KATCH UP AND LICK HER

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Why did Harry Potter go to meet Professor Lupin? --Because he wanted to practice casting his Patronus

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Why did the car stop working. The owner was unable to pay the outrageous price for gasoline and was forced to ride a bicycle to and fromvwork every day. Over the course of several months without being run, the engine seized and was forever broken.

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Why dont polar bears eat peguins? Because they live on opposite ends of the earth and it would be physically imposible!!

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Who won the race through the underpass, the black man or the polish man? The black man as he crossed the finish line several seconds earlier.

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''In Austin, Texas, President Obama told an audience, 'If you want to go forward you put your car in 'D.' If you want to go backward, you put your car in 'R.'' But you know something? Either way, the economy is still F'd.''

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Well, its Eliza again, sorry to bother you Nero, I always thought you where good looking but I know that when it comes to you its not about the looks, you are far more than meets the eye. Neo-Nero was the guy we met at a certain meeting, the arrogant guy with the big forehead whose arms where shaking remember? I wont reveal more for his sake, he did not mean bad, he was just angry like the rest of us and felt responsible, again like many of us. So when can we meet you? I assume you wont be arriving soon, but Id really apreciate seeing you again, and considering neither I nor my parents (I asked them) have the money to come visit you, id appreciate a loan or something.

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Pop Fiction last words. guess who edition: "Okay okay you win again Batman! Ahahaha hohohoho hehehehe! Wanna hear a new jo... Eh... what are you doing with that gun?" "Why did I not just take a step or two to the side during the five hours and over thirty episodes he kept charging that Kamehameha?" "Bah I cannot die as long as my ego is full! Are these really the ratings on my latest game? H0moerotic? Childish? A sociopath? Oh man..." Moral: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the moralmanBitch! HOAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

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Knock Knock Who’s there? Boo Boo who? Ah don’t be sad, Boo’s here to cheer you up!

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"Wow, that was so funny i fell off my dinosaur!" Dinosaurs went extinct in the late Cretaceous period, about 65 million years ago. Commonly believed by scientists across the world to have been caused by an ancient meteor that crashed in the current day Yucatán peninsula in Mexico. Also, even if you were around during the Cretaceous period, i assure you that no dinosaur would let you climb on top of it, let alone ride it while you're not highly terrified because of the sheer danger of the experience. Now unless you are 65 million years old, I highly doubt you laughed so hard that you fell off the dinosaur that you supposedly own.

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How many athiests does it take to change a light bulb? One.

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Why did Lucy fall off the swing? She had no arms and legs Knock knock Who's there? Not Lucy

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What do you call an Islamic man fling a plane? A very frightened passenger who took over flying the plane when the pilot collapsed due to a heart attack

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Knock Knock Whos there? Rivkee Rivkee who? RIVKEEEEE FIRETRUCK!

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What happened to to dyslexic giraffe that tripped over a brick. It got back up.

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how do you kill a giraffe? shoot it

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A generous manager, an honest lawyer, a responsible politician and a dodo bird fall off a cliff. Who survives?. None, they are all long since extinct.

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Your mamma's so dumb, we are seriously worried she might hurt herself.

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What do you call it when Justin Beiber has sex with a girl? Consensual sexual intercourse between two young adults.

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knock, knock Who's there? Statefarm... and we are always gonna be there for you

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What do you call it when you have sex with a black man? Sex

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Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? A: "Here come the elephants over the hill!"

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How do you get rich? Cut chunks off a fat person with a cleaver and sell them to china.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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