What`s that CREAM that comes out of you when your mom puts a WHIP on you with a switch? WHIP CREAM!

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I would tell you a joke but I'm not funny

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The man was so gay he grew breasts and got breast cancer.

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PROS = good things CONS = bad thing So, if PROgress is a good thing...then why is the US government call CONgress?

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Why did the sailor fall off the boat? Because vampires arent real.

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What do friends and trees have in common? They will fall over if you hit them repeatedly with an axe.

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What's the difference between a Obama and a drug-dealer? I don't know what? I don't know, I was asking if you know...

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what do you find at the top of mountains? things

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Why did the fridge fall off its bike? Because someone threw a little girl at it.

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Haikus usually make sense, but sometimes they don't refrigerator.

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Once there was a pig named Poga. When he grew up, he was slaughtered and made into bacon.

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Why did Johnny fall off of the swing? The swing was defective. Knock, knock. Who's there? Johnny's lawyer.

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how do you get a blonde to stop following you? file a restraining order.

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Jon waits in his driveway for a bit then rides off to a lemonade stand but doesn't stop because the stand is surrounded by police who have arrested the kids at the stand for selling spiked lemonade. He continues past the stand and goes somewhere else (probably Subway).

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What did Batman say to Robin just before they got in the bat mobile? Robin,get in the bat mobile.

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Why didnt santa leave presents under the tree? Because santa doesnt exist.

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What did the man say to the other man? I have a large rod

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Who the heck do you think you are?! Ally...duh

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Knock knock. With the invention of doorbells, knocking has become almost obsolete.

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Why did Dr. Phil fall of the swing? He couldn't figure out the couples problem.

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So a guy with a machine gun walks into a bank, makes a deposite and leaves.

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The Female Orgasm

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What do you call a homeless man in Beverly Hills? Charles, Someone who unfortunately had to drop out of school at a young age to work to support his dying mother. Hence, later in life, after his mother died, lacked the education to be enrolled in college forcing him to pimp to make enough money to eat and pay for the rent in his one bedroom appartment in his hometown-Mississippi. But times were tough in Mississippi and not many people could afford a whore. This forces him to go all the way to California where he found more people there were willing to pay for a whore. Business was good and soon enough he had enough money for a decent condo. But Charles still morned the death of his mother. Eventually he couldn't take the daily pressure of being a pimp and thought of his mothers death, so he turned to heroin. Soon all his money was fueling his addiction and before he knew it he was on the street, with no one to help him and no where's to go. Every night he goes to sleep on his cardboard box with the memory of his late mother in the back of his head. Sometimes Charles wonders what he could of been if he didn't drop out of school, but he knows that what he did was the right thing.

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It was at the war and there was a camp site where a doctors helped injured soldiers. One soldier comes in the door and holds his arm. The doctor says "You got shot in the arm?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and holding his shoulder. The doctor says "You got shot in the shoulder?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and was dragging his left leg across the floor. The doctor says "You got shot in your leg?" The soldier says "No, I stepped on dog shhhttt."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops