Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

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What do you call a police woman who shaves her pubes? PC Marion Jones

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Whats the difference between a black baby and a white baby? 15 minutes in the oven.

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Why did the man visit 4chan? He heard about it from a coworker and was curious about what it was.

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What did Pablo experience during his first day in private school? the atmosphere of a private school

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Q:what did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? other person: What? A:how am i suppose to know I'm not a lawyer.

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What poops,smells bad,burps,wears diapers,farts,and screams spank me with a bib on That Depends what you do on saturday nights

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if life gives you melons, then you're most likely dyslexic.

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What's black and sits at the top of the stair case? Stephen hawking in a house fire.......

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"Sticks and stones" the man said and shat on three different complex turtles

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Get Outta Here We're Closed!

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A joke.

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What did nearly headless nick say when he became headless nick. Nothing because he doesnt have a head

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What would you call the Flinstones if they were black? Niggas

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Oh..wait...that's actually an anti-joke already...

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What's the worst part of being raped by a unicorn? Being sentenced to a life of shame and humiliation.

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What isyellow and can't swim? a bulldozer

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Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because it is very difficult for someone with a vision impairment to operate a vehicle.

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what hurts more than getting shot in the arm Getting shot in both arms!

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Why did the chicken cross the street? K

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Q: Why did Suzie fall out the swings? A: She had no arms. Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Suzie.....

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Why did the blind man die? He had eye surgery and the doctor told him when he first opened his eyes there would be a very bright light, turns out he also had alzheimers and wandered onto the train tracks

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Why is the Mexican a gardener? He has a mental disability that makes him unable to do more than a simple task.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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