How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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How do you make a baby cry? You kill its mother.

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Why did the boy cut his hair? Because he was large.

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What can't catch or throw? A Quadriplegic

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Q: why did the chicken cross the road? A: toothpaste

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If George Washington was the first president, and Barack Obama is the latest, how old is my grandma?

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Why did the little girl fall from the swing? She's got no arms.

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In retrospect, I was wrong to microwave all those cats.

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Why didn't jimmy get to eat his ice cream? Because he got hit by a bus

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Hey guess whats funny? Matthew Mcconaughey Oh wait, never mind

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Why can't you teach drivers ed and sex ed at the same time in Iraq? The camel would get tired.

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What does an Asian do in a library in his school? Write one of these.

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What did the customer say to the waiter when he found a fly in his soup? Sorry to bother you on your break, but why didn't I get a fly in MY soup?

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your mom is so fat that when she walks in America with a yellow coat as they get a taxi

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Whats green and red, in a ditch, and has cookie crumbs all over it. The girl scout i ran over with my car.

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How do you piss off a moose? You throw popcorn at it

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Why did Johnny's pants fall down? Because he was fat.

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Q:what's worse than eating outdated raviolis? A:terminal cancer.

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A boy walks up to a girl he finds attractive and says "You're body's kick'in! ... i mean...hey, do you know karate?"

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What do you call a white guy surrounded by 10 black guys? A friendly individual who cares nothing about racial differences and instead judges people based on character.

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What do you call three black guys in a bar? A bar.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He never did because he's in KFC

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Q: what smells like cheese and tastes like cheese? A: cheese

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A man walks into a bar. He is knocked unconscious, and passers-by rush to his aid.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops