What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I once saw a small Italian man wearing trainers with a smart suit. He looked like an idiot, but I considered the option that he may not have had any money left after buying the suit to buy shoes. Exercising diplomacy, I left him be and enjoyed a nice meal with he and his trainers.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

ROSES ARE RED VILOTS ARE BLUE I HOPE YOU KNOW IM A JEW

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you catch an elephant? Dig a nice deep hole in the ground, and fill it with ashes. Next, line the outside of the hole with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

So three Jews walk into a Biker Bar. Despite the fact that is was a self-proclaimed "Biker Bar", the group of men inside were in fact rather open-minded, and had no issues with new members. They had a rich conversation, and frequented the bar thereafter.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What happened at the 21 year old's birthday? She tried alcohol for the first time. She partied. She danced, She's dead. Open case.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do tigers dream of when they take a tiger snooze? Mike Tyson

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A black guy and an apple fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? They both hit the ground roughly at the same time, because the acceleration due to gravity is constant.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have testicular cancer........"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the black man get arrested? Because he was in possession of powder cocaine, which is a schedule I narcotic in the United States. This incident probably would not have happened if an end was put to the war on drugs, which is notorious for disproportionately targeting blacks and other minority groups, even though whites are statistically more likely to use such substances.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Knock Knock Whos there? Rivkee Rivkee who? RIVKEEEEE FIRETRUCK!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A man falls off a building and dies on Impact

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are brown Violets are brown who the hell took a shit in my garden?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: What did the newborn dumpster baby say to the raccoon? A: Nothing. Newborn babies cannot talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

why did the girl fall off the slide? she was pushed, by her dad...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the talking muffin say to the other talking muffin? Ah! A talking muffin!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What’s worse than being ruled by Adolf Hitler? Being ruled by Joseph Stalin.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what's the difference between a duck? You can't wash a window with a brick.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

i like my coffee like i like my women. without a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a white guy with no friends? A white guy with no friends

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A bar walks into a man

thumb_up thumb_down -13

why was the woman in the kitchen? because societal standards placed her in such a situation

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops