It was a beautiful day. Face.

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What's big and white and can't climb trees? A mattress

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"hey woody can i ask you a question" "sure buzz" "why is it your name is woody but they use me as a vibrator"

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why did the grandmother forget her grandsons name? she has Alzheimers so she is slowly forgetting all her relatives

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What do you call a black person who puts out fires? a firefighter

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How do you get 100 Jews into a Volkswagon? You don't. It's impossible to fit that many people into a car that small.

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A: Whats black and hangs from my tree in my backyard? B: What? A: Blackberries B: Blackberries grow on bushes

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How do you get a blonde to tell time? By asking her what time is it.

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A neutron walked into a bar and asked "how much for a drink?" The bartender did not reply because a neutron is so small he didn't notice that it even entered.

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Why did the Indian have a hard time getting a hotel room? He didn't. He owned the hotel.

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Do you know what God said to Hitler as he approached the gate of heaven? ??????????????????

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. -Knock Knock. -Who's there? -Not Sally.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of a tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of a tree? It was cruelly stapled to the first one.

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What do you call a clock that neither ticks nor tocks? A broken clock

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Why did the man throw a clock? In retaliation for his wife having thrown a vase at him. The couple has a history of domestic violence. More than one friend has suggested counselling.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?' The horse say " i have testicular cancer."

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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Yamum is so poor that she has trouble supporting herself and paying her own bills. Subsiqeunetly she had her electricity and home phone cut off, not that she would have any use for a home phone with her electricity cut off anyway. She sits on her bed and cries herself to sleep each night and has been thrown into depression due to her spiraling financial debts of which she can see no end to. This has led to several attempts to take her own life to hopefully finally find a way out of her misery and debt.

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What's worse than r-a-p-e? Gang r-a-p-e.

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why'd the chicken committed suicide?? to get to the other side

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? answer: Where's my tractor?

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3 men walk into a bar, and the fourth guy behind them had the sense to duck under it.

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What did the gay kid in high school say? I'm straight.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops