Why couldn't kitty drink it's milk?\ It's face was nailed to the floor

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock? Who's there? Not Mary.

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TWO ROADS DIVERGED IN A WOOD

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How many bears does it take to screw in a light bulb? None; it’s a fairly menial task requiring little more than a single human hand. Requisitioning any number of bears for the effort would be an extremely dangerous “Rube Goldberg”-esque solution to simple problem.

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Did you hear the joke about the deaf mail man? No. Neither did he.

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Knock knock, who's there? Your mom! Oh I'm comming.

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What do a banana and helicopter have in common? Neither is a police officer

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Knock, knock Who's there? The electrician And about bloody time too, you'd better come in.

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What did Osama Bin Laden Say to Obama when they met? Nothing Osama is Dead

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There was once a man named Larry. Larry was an office worker for a paper company. One day when Larry was counting papers he got a papercut on his left hand. Therefore his finger began to bleed as he sat in agony. What did Larry do next? He got up and got a band-aid. Larry continued his paper work at his desk.

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willam dafoe

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what did the indians give the pilgrims? syphylis

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Kid: "Tell me about when you were young, Grandpa." Grandpa: "Oh, sonny, those were crazy times. My friends and I were out of control. We used to give each other wet-willies and funny arm. We'd play dandy-balls and legs-a-spread and penis-butt." Kid: "Sounds kind of gay, Grandpa. " Grandpa: "It was gay. Everyone was. But, back then, we were called pole-fancies. It was real, good old-fashioned "grab the nearest tree and hold on for dear life" gay, not today's fancy, featherbed, thread-count gay. People got hurt back then! Kid "That's gay." Grandpa: "Yeah, it was pretty gay "

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Assuming the fact that these children are in fact deceased, it would be highly inprobable that they could perform any task. Or that they would need to see any light at all, since the point of that dark room is to keep them concealed.

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did you know towels can cause dry skin?

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Knock, knock. Now before I asked "Who's there" I first opened the door as then I can see who's there without having to ask them through the door.

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If Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, and Charlie Sheen were in a room together and you had a gun with two bullets, who would you shoot? Well Hitler and Bin Laden are already dead, and Charlie probably wouldn't die. Plus, I honestly don't think I could bring myself to shoot someone.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he found a crosswalk with a walk symbol near his destination.

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If you go to a restaurant and you have more food on your plate then someone who is obese, you KNOW you have too much food.

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whats funny about anti jokes? nothing hince the name ANTI.

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What do you call a cat in a piece of bred? An inbred cat.

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Dimes are silver Pennies are brass Why does your face look like an a**

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Periods are red, waffles are blue, some poems rhym, this one doesn't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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