How long does it take to microwave a baby? I don't know, I was to busy masterbating. GBW

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Knock Knock Whos there? Your mom My mom died three years ago, please go away while i cry.

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Why did the girl go to the hospital? Her brother dared her to jump off the second story roof of their house...

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Why didn't the lady answer the phone? She is deaf and mute.

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Why did the chines were sunglasses? It was sunny.

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Alright so an elite group of Navy Seals walk into a mansion. They open fire on Osama Bin Laden and kill him.

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ur an fagit

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Quaint? Oh yeah? YOU ARE QUAINT! No seriously, whats that word all about.

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how do you wake up a cat? you break it.

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A black guy and a white guy are walking down the sidewalk. As it suddenly begins to rain, what does the white guy say to the black guy? Nothing. They did not know each other.

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What do you call a black man doing his taxes? A well respected member of society

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your mom is so stupid she got raped

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How many Dean Mckee's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? He doesn't know what a lightbulb's for, nevermind how to use one.

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Whats white and rubs stuff out ? An albino with a rubber.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven killed all of six's family

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How do you make a gorilla stop chasing you? You shoot him.

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what kind of pizzas did the twin tower executives order on 9-11? two large "planes"

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How many Ethiopians can you fit in a car? Five in your standard sedan

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Why couldn't the girl call her boyfriend? Because she is homeless and can't afford to buy a phone.

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A bus full of retarded kids got broken on his way. One kid suggested to the bus driver that the problem could be with the brakes, as that kid's father was a mechanic.

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Women's Professional _________

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A moose walks into a store, walking up to an employee he says "Where are the potatoes?" The employee replies "Isle 5." The moose thanks the employee and heads off to find Isle 5. Upon reaching isle 5- he finds no potatoes.

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Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

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A: What are the nine most terrifying words in the English dictionary? B: What are they? A: I'm from the government and i'm here to help

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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