Bacon makes everything delicious, yes? And coffee makes everything exciting, yes? Put the two together and you get a caffeinated porky roller coaster in your mouth.

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Where did the Smith family spend their weekend together? At the father's funeral.

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A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

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What did Sam Houston Say to Jim Bowie when he say all the Mexicans coming Towards the Alamo? That's a lot of Mexicans.

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Seven monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head! Momma called the doctor, And the doctor said, "I'm sorry, Mrs.Monkey, but your son has suffered a severe concussion, and will be severely mentally impaired for the rest of his life."

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So a platypus walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then goes home drunk. His wife doesn't approve of his drinking, so she took her children then left. The lonely platypus wandered around for days on end in the lonely silence. He realized he wanted a job, but he couldn't get one, and i lied. it wasnt a platypus. it never even haooened i wasted your time.

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What the difference between a car and a dead child I dont have a car in the basement

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What do Richard and Judy have in common? Nothing.

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What do you call Ed Milliband after he's been decapitated? Dead Milliband.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have 5 fingers and the middles for you

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What's the difference between unicorns and black people? That whole slavery thing.

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Why did Phil Krahn cross the road? Because he is gay

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There was a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name-oh But the farmer killed and ate him, because Bingo licked himself inappropriately

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What do you call a house full of Mexicans? A house

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, come at me again and I'll punch you

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A Jew, a Muslim, and a black guy board a plane. Who gets kicked off first? The jew for his unruly behavior towards the flight attendant.

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What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

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Why does the Taliban forbid people from having sex standing up? It might lead to dancing. And then, of course, death.

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Why didnt the vampire have a reflection? You have to be real to have a reflexion

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Whats better than winning an award? Not having your family shot to death

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot lost control of the plane.

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Why did the fish cross the road? Because the chicken was carrying an aquarium.

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Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7? A: 7 is a registered sex offender.

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Don't read this or I'll be angry ...…...... Darn you...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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