One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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A Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Russian walk into a bar. The Frenchman orders a glass of wine, the Irishman orders a whisky, and the Russian, who prefers to be sober, orders a glass of water. They have an all-around pleasant night, yet they leave the bar upset. Why? A severe water contamination in the town resulted in the Russian man consuming a fatal dose of arsenic.

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autsim

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Chuck Norris shaves with his fists. That's why he still has a beard.

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Why do you never want to party with Lindsay Lohan? Because she's a drug abuser and a terrible influence.

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Why was the girl angry? She's PMSing. Give her a banana and stay away.

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how do you make kindergarteners unhappy? you taze them.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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the game

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Why did Michael Jackson become white? He thought he saw a ghost.

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A ginger man ascends to heaven and reaches the pearly gates, seconds later he wakes up in a hospital bed and realizes it was merely a near death hallucination and God isn't real.

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how do you kill an African baby ? put it in the microwave for roughly 45 minutes

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What did Santa say to his elf? Nothing. Santa isn't real. Elves aren't either for that matter.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gays house! knock knock who's there? The chicken!

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How Do You Solve A Impossible Math Question? You Dont. cause its impossible.

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What do you call an arabic man who sells bombs for a living? A business man.

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What's small, black,and crispy? A baby after an apartment fire

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What's worse than a crying baby on a trans-Atlantic flight? A hungry lion on a trans-Atlantic flight.

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what was postman pat's name before he was a postman? Pat.

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A guy walks into a bar. No one notices he has epilepsy.

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How do you stop a car from hitting a kid? You don't.

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What's red and can't find a family? A fire hydrant

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why did the chicken cross the road because on the other side his wife that he had loved for years was being tortured and he was trying to save her life.

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What's the difference between a Lamborgini and 100 dead babies? I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops