How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

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What is the first thing you should do when a person is choking? Make sure the person is choking How can you tell if a person is choking? If he's going like this: aaghh gaghhg agghhh gaghhhhh ghghaghghgh

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- Mommy look, I built a sandcastle! - Who cares, you have cancer.

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What do you call a man sitting at the bar drinking alone? An alcoholic.

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Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

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A: why do elephants paint their toenails red? B: why? A: so they can hide in cherry trees B: I don't get it A: have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? B: no... A: exactly

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

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Justin with a hat.

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What do you call your mom? Mom

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Why is Tommy dead? Because he died.

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Q:How do u kill a butcher A: Kill its family

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What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.

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If you dislike this you are a homosexual (watch how many dislike this)

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What's worse than swing a dead baby by a rope? Stopping it with a shovel.

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what's an advantage of breaking every bone in your body? nothing, you're screwed.

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Your momma's so old she might die soon.

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Why could'nt Ray Charles read: He was black

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I thought about taking a nice warm shower, but then I realized that the power was out and it would probably be a cold shower.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Okay, seriously I'm done. I try to make a joke but I don't think I can do it anymore. I'm not funny I'm just a little coward who offers nothing to life. I should just kill myself. Fuck this joke, fuck you.

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what do a toothbrush and an ice maker have in common? ....They're both in your house.

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one man walked into a bar and ordered a beer. when he was drinking the beer he choked and died

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Two guys are walking on a bridge. One has long hair. The other does not care.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was DEAD! But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey... But then why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? P-p-p-p-eer pressure

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I told my grandmother to act her age.... she then died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops