What did the cat say to the towel? Meow.

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Why did the girl fall of the swings? Because she has no arms.

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Q. Wheres your nan???? A. In my closet

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when the zombie apocolypse comes what do you do? you die

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What do you call a human with no eye? A Human.

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You wanna know what's totally out of this world? The moon.

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Is there anything better than pussy? Ya a really nice book

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What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? DAM!

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What did the Big Chimney say to the Little Chimney? Nothing, chimneys are unable to talk.

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Why can't the Mexican float? He never learned the proper technique as he was not allowed to take swim class.

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Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

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A german walks into a London Pub. He turns to the man on his left and says, " Hallo Kolleginnen und dort bar Mäzen. Ich bin gespannt zu sehen, ob wir eine Beziehung herzustellen, wie ich gesucht Gespräch, als ich in der wunderbaren Kultur, die London zu bieten hat. Ist das in Ordnung mit dir? Heil Hitler"

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What do Whitney Houston and MTV have in common? They both REALLY died in the 90's.

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why couldn't jimmy play on the swings at recess.. Because he's been dead for 5 years

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How do you stop your golf ball from hitting a goose? You dont.

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A professor of literature asked me, "Young Sir, why are you burning those books?" I replied, "Because I need a fire to cremate the bones of your 3 sisters that I violently raped and murdered" He smirked in a witty and arrogant fashion, until raising his head and saying, "Bond, James Bond" He continued to massage his dick with his own pubic hairs before collapsing and dying

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the seat next to you? A: Whatever his name happens to be.

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Two muffins are in an oven. They procede to bake at 325 degrees for thirty minutes.

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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what is the difference between a black person and a little boy with autism .... the boy with autism is smarter with more education than the black person

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Why did 5 members of the Al-Qaeda walk into the bank? To make 5 seperate cash withdrawals

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Q: Holy do you get a nun pregnant? A: You have sexual intercourse with her, and have an orgasm inside her body. Also, in vitro fertilization is a viable, albeit expensive, alternative for couples who have difficulty conceiving by standard intercourse.

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Why did the man fall of his bicycle? Because someone threw a fridge at him

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why do jews like weed? A) because they are used to being baked.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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