A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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GUESS WHAT ?????????? THATS WHAT CAOMHIN

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Q: Whats Red And Has Socks? A: An Apple, I Lied About The Socks..

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roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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Why do the Chinese eat cats? Because it is a good source of protein that is relatively easy to obtain. Really, it's not much different than killing pigs for food.

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Coach: Hey, you missed the team meeting today, but I wanted to let you know we've had a number of changes to the lineup. Player: Really? Who's on first? Coach: That's right. A man with the unlikely name of Mr. Who is on first. We also have Mr. What on second, and Mr. I Don't Know is on third. The rest of the team is the same. Player: Oh. People have weird names now. But I'm sure they're great guys. Thanks for explaining that. Coach: Any time. Don't mention it.

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Sidney was a man, but not just any man... He was a fishmonger.

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8 muslims walk into a bar You know why. Because their suicidal bombing plans were put off until Tuesday

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A seal walks into a club.

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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he's working out.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Boo Boo who? I don't have a last name, it's just Boo

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Is your refridgerator running? because if its not, you should probably have it looked at by a repair man,

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What did the shit covered people licking each others scrotums call themselves? The Aristocrats

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. Your under arrest for drug trafficking and possession of illegal firearms. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say...

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Whatever you do in life, give 100%… unless you’re giving blood.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a stupid chicken wandering around.

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why did the black man jump higher than the white man he was on a trampoline

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Say this to someone: On a scale from one to ten, what is your favorite color?

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What happens when you mix a camel and a penguin? A cenguin!

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ask me if im a tree are you a tree? yes.

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Why Did The Boy Fall Off The Swing? Because He Had No Arms.

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What do you get when you mix red and yellow together? rellow

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What do you call it wen black people are sky diving? ...Night

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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