How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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A man walks into a haunted house and screams. He had arrows on a nail.

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What's plastic and kids turn it on... A xbox.

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What do people and jelly beans have in common? Nothing. One is a living creature, and the other is a tasty treat.

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How do you get a horse to stop humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its dick.

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A white man walked into a bar, and an indian walked into a totem pole...

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Whats the diffetance between a river and a waterfall? One is vertical!??

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what do you call it when justin beiber makes a sex tape with selina gomez? lesbian porn.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Mikey : I wan to divorce. Miney :are u funking crazy Mikey : no I'm funking dazy !

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Yo moma so fat, it ain't even funny. Seriously. She is suffering real diabetes! Do you know how that feels? I though so...

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A horse walks into a convenience store. He grabs a pack of gum, pays the man at the counter, and walks out.

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What's hiding in Redfoo (from LMFAO)'s afro? Nobody knows...

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Q: Whats red and bad for your teeth? A: a brick

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how do you kill a giraffe? shoot it

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Jesus saves, passes to Moses who shoots and scores!!!

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Why did a black man enter a KFC? Because he had been in town a while and had grown hungry over the period of walking around, and decided he should get some food to satisfy his hunger so he may continue his journey around town. The fact he entered KFC is purely coincidental, as he could've easily decided to go to a different eatery, but it just so happens that the closest one was a KFC.

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" Whats the deal with airline food? " -Sharon

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-knock knock! -doors open

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How do you kill a baby? You don't muder is a sin and against the law

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How do you confuse a blonde? To get to the other side

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what's inflation? a hollow cost.

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What do you get when you cross a monkey and a fish? An unlikely premise upon which to base a joke

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why did billy fall on the sidewalk? he got stabbed

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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