Yo mamas so fat she is obese

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Why did the baby stop laughing? Would you if you pooped your pants?

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Wait, I am sleepy as the world which spawned you Nero, but which comment is mine again?

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when life gives you lemons you make lemonade when life gives you a homisidle brige you clearly have done something to make life angery

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Q: Why do geese fly in a V? A: It's more aerodynamic.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. Why did the baby fall off the swing? Because i hit it with a bat.

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Q: What's gray and comes in gallons? A: Gray paint.

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what did the man with Alzheimer's say to his son? who are you!?

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Q: How many burgers did little Johnny eat? A: Involuntary erections.

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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How do you fit 10 babies in a bowl? With a blender. How do you get them out of the bowl? You don't, you've already been arrested for multiple cases of infanticide.

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why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead How did the second koala fall out of the tree? it was hit by the first one how did the third koala fall out of the tree? it thought it was a game and jumped off

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What did the father tell his son who was caught stealing from the teacher? --The father didn't say anything because he walked out on his family when the children were born.

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How do you stop a rhino from charging? An ak-47

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What did Hitler get for Christmas? Some shoelaces for his shoes so he could tie his little knotsies.

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Q.What did the homeless kid get from santa? A. Play Doe. Because he was a good boy. Q.what did the Rich Kid get form santa? A Coal. Because he was a bod boy. The rich kid then got mad and threw the coal at the homeless kid hitting him on the head which killed him of enturnaly bleeding.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was holding on to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Pier pressure.

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

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Little Timmy walks up to the teacher during class and asks "Can i use the restroom?" The teacher says "I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy says "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken saw some potential food across the street.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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What's worse than having your t.v. stolen by a Mexican? Getting raped with a chainsaw.

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There was a dog and a cat. What happens next? The cat's not there anymore. Neither is the dog. Can you guess what happend? The dog ate the cat, but the cat was his friend, so the dog committed suicide.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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