An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

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Mommy, why did daddy leave? Because you touch yourself at night sweetie.

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Man walks into a bar and goes, "Ouch!"

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Q: What cat walks on two feet? A: Garfield Q: What mouse walks on two feet? A: Mickey Mouse Q: What duck walks on two feet? A: Donald Duck? A: No, all ducks you dipshit.

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A black man, a jew and a muslim walk into a bar. ... I forgot what happens next, so let's just say they have a good time and get back home safely.

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What did the caninibol do when he duped his girlfriend He wiped

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So I went to an audition, my friend said "break a leg" And then I did

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Elephants can jump higher than the tallest building. You know why? It's because buildings can't jump.

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What's big, an instrument, has black and white keys, and is located in the bathroom? I don't know. A piano. But why in the bathroom? Don't tell me how to furnish my house.

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So God answered a paralyzed boy's prayer the other day...He said 'No'

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Why did santa cross the road? He didn't he is not real.

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What's black and white and red all over? I don't care I have AIDS

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What's the capital of Ohio? O

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What's worse than stabbing your eye with a fork? Stabbing both your eyes with a fork.

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What do you call a big hungry duck? A duck thats hungry and big

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, and died of cancer

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How do you say the weekend in French? The weekend in French.

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Where did the guy who shot his neighbor go? Jail, because he was caught, sent to court, and was convicted of murder.

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roses are red violets are blue if u wanna fight call 111 ( we r in new zealand)

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Boys have swag, real men have class

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Your Mum Is So Dumb, It Took Her 2 Hours To Watch 60 Minutes.

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Why didn't the blond cry at her child's funeral? She died, too. It was a terrible accident.

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You're such a baby, that you are still in diapers! Ew! How would you know creep!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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