What did the banana say to the apple? We're fruity.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the starving kid say to the starving parent? Pineapple

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's worse then spilling milk? Instantaneous Human Combustion

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the girl say to her ex? Fuck you.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

there were two cyclists cycling at a steady pace down a main road in china, one irish and the other chinese. now they happened to be cycling at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace. why did the irish cyclist get pulled over and the chinese not? because the irish cyclist had in fact brutally raped and murdered a young child in his home town and then fled the country to china.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the bartender say when the black man walked into the bar? Hello, what would you like to drink?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A bloke walked in to a bakers shop and asked for a loaf of bread. Certainly sir, said the assistant, white or brown?...it doesn't matter, answered the man, I've left my bike outside

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because its instincts were telling it that the higher amount of grass on the other side of the road would lead to an increase in the odds of survival due to a more adequate source of food and nourishment.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A very rich man had a daughter whom all of the men in town wanted to marry her for wealth. Except there was one man who wanted to marry her due to his love for her. The father let his daughter marry whomever she wanted from all of the men in town, and she chose a man named Wilson Fremblington who wanted to marry her for wealth, because he was physically fit and overall a friendly man.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's red and looks like blue paper? Red paper

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A farmer hears a knock at the door on a rainy night. He opens the door and welcomes an attractive young man in. The farmer gets his budding teenage daughter to fetch the man a towel. He dries himself off, thanks them both, and goes to bed. He's gone before anyone else wakes up and leaves a fifty on the table.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Little Stephanie was up all night on Christmas eve excited for her new bike that Santa was going to bring her. After tossing and turning for what seemed like decades, the sunset finally arose and Stephanie ran down the steps to unwrap her new bike with the family. Immediately after she went down the staircase, she found her parents marinated in their own blood, with knife wounds all around their body.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 commited statutory rape on a younger 5, gang banged 8 with 10 and 11, murdered 9, and was sentenced to jail for life.... eventually the case was dropped and 7 was let out early for community service. He told 6 he was coming for him 6 months later.... 6 was so terrified he didn't know what to do... he was living in fear... eventually he commited suicide by jumping off a cliff just off the coach of Palm Beach into the pacific ocean. His body was never found His family didnt get to say good bye... This is why 6 was afraid of 7

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you call a child with a peg leg, and eye patch, and no hand? Names

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the kid drop his ice cream? Because he was laughing so hard at the man who farted and burped at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How many blondes does it take to play a game of hide and seek? One ... ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Poop...

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you say to a womam with two black eyes? Nothing, she's already been told twice.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Whats Yellow And Cant Swim A Bulldozer.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Wife: Does this make me look fat? Husband: Honey, your already fat.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's the difference between a baby and an egg? One is fun to throw at houses and the other is an egg.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the cop stop a black guy with a Rolls-Royce? Because he was speeding while on his phone and going through red traffic lights.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops