- Anti Joke

Shaving your balls is just plain nuts!

Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: A Woodchuck, also known as a land beaver, weighs 4-9 lbs. We can use the average weight of 7 lbs for the woodchuck. A 7 lb woodchuck would burn 4.8 calories in 15 minutes if it were engaged in chopping wood. We can make an assumption that chopping and chucking wood would burn a similar amount of calories. 4.8 calories is the same as .0191 BTU in 15 minutes or .075 BTU per hour. (British Thermal Units) Now the other variable is the type of wood you are talking about. Different types of wood and different treatments have different mass. For example, properly seasoned oak firewood should have a moisture content below 20%. Freshly cut oak wood could be as high as 90%. So obviously the moisture content will play a large role in the amount of wood chuckable by the woodchuck. For this example we will use 20% moisture seasoned oak fire wood. Since woodchucks are native to the eastern part of north america we will use White Oak. A chord (128 cubic feet) of seasoned White Oak weights between 2880 – 3710 lbs We can take the average weight and use 3295 lbs per chord or 3295 lbs/128 cubic feet. One board foot = a board that is 12 in × 12 in × 1 in One chord = 1536 board feet according to Unit Converter Pro So now we can divide 1536 board feet into 3295 lbs and know that one board foot of Seasoned White Oak is 2.14 lbs/board foot. 3295/1536=2.14. Now here is where the math gets fun. We know a 7 lb woodchuck will burn .075 BTU’s chucking wood for an hour. We also know the wood he is chucking weighs 2.14 lbs per board foot. Now the question is how many BTU’s does it take to chuck 2.14 lbs, let’s say 1 foot? According to Newton’s Second Law of Motion, the net force on an object is dependent on the mass of the object, and its acceleration during the movement. Force = Mass x Acceleration The common unit of force is the Newton (N). One Newton is the force required to accelerate one kilogram of mass at 1 meter per second per second. 1 N = 1kg m/s2, lets convert our wood chucking to metric for a bit to figure out this conversion. .97 kg = 2.14 lbs. So the woodchuck would have to exert .97 Newtons in order to move the wood one meter. If we divide this by the number of feet in a meter 3.28 we get .29 Newtons. Now we know it takes .29 newtons to move 2.14 lbs of seasond white oak 1 foot. All we have to do now is figure out the number of BTU’s in .29 newton and a quick look at Unit Converter Pro tells us that .29 newton = .00027486696489 BTU. Now we know that it takes .00027 BTU to move 2.14 lbs or one board foot of Seasoned White Oak 1 foot. We also know that a 7 lb woodchuck burns .075 BTU per hour chucking wood. Finally we simply have to divide these two figures .00027486696489 BTU to move one board foot one foot/.075 BTU per hour and we get: .0036 board feet per hour Answer: A woodchuck would chuck .0036 board feet per hour of wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood! Or not!

how do u know when your in west virginia? when the houses have more wheels than the cars

I used to tell people: step on my foot on purpose and ill FUCKlNG BREAK YOURS! Then I Evolved.. friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: Thumb me down or step on my foot if only on mistake, and I will break off both your legs and ram them up your ASS!

Am I a cat? No, I am a human; cat's cannot type.

What did the jacket say to the girl? Zip me up wait why am I talking

yo moma so stupid she went to the dentist for a bluetooth.

How many frogs does it take to change a light bulb None. Frogs lack the cranial capacity to change said lightbulb. If eventually by evolution they become smart enough to change lightbulbs, they may learn to handle machinery and pose a real threat to humans.

How do you hurt a clown? shoot it.

minorities

Why did the boy drop his ice cream ? He got hit by a bus !

What animal has four legs and one hand? Happy rottweiler

What's the similarities between a spoon and a duck. Both are not a lamp

Q: What did the kid with no arms and legs get for christmas? A: Cancer

I once duped this chick with a parrot. Crazy thing wouldn't shut up. The parrot was pretty cool

A man walks in to a bar, wakes up the next morning with the news that they have found a cancerous tumor in his neck.

Tell me you're a rapist. You're a rapist. This joke makes no sense. Mashed potatoes.

emma brown i did tap that shit -jackson edwards

Why was the girl crying? She had just been severely raped.

What happened to the little boy that went to The Penn State locker room? He had a great day meeting the team and watching the football game.

How did the clown crash his car? A horrible tornado chrashed through the town.

5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

A man goes into a bar. What are mangos doing in a bar?

A fully grown cow walks into a man's house and says to him, "Hey, how have you been?" Traumatized by the vivid circumstances, the man falls to the floor and begins sobbing relentlessly until he passes out onto the floor from a violent mental breakdown.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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