WHAT DO YOU CALL SOMEONE HAVING A MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION? Dead

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How do you make 5 lbs of fat look good? Draw a smiley face on it.

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Well, a pizza is edible object provided for human consumption, and a jew is a holy human being believing in the prophet abraham.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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What did Newton say to Einstein? Nothing, Newton was dead before Einstein's birth.

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? 0. There are no lights at Auschwitz.

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A giant storm loomed over a village atop a hill. Citizens were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from the age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest. Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes. Finally, Rosie, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who has been through 13 interventions and countless suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonny, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a carton of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took the carton of Ribena, crumpled it up, spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, that was a turkey. Oh.

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Wanna hear a joke? Woman's rights.

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What did the white man say to the black man that was very interested in the story he had to tell? Cool Story bro, tell it again!

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what's funny about war? nothing!

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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizza is not human, Jewish people are.

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If there are four gay men that come into a bar and need to sit down when all you have is one stool; what do you do? Get three more stools.

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Why did the seagull fly over the sea, It had wings.

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Beached whale: "Look at me, I'm a land mammal"

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What used to be red, but isn't anymore? A scalped ginger.

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How do you know a baby is dead ? When the dog plays with it more!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. ( to heaven )

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Q. Why did the lotion soothe the person's skin? A. Because its ingredients were selected because of their propensity to soothe skin.

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A seal walks into a club.

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Q. How do you make a chicken dance? A. I don't know I was asking you.

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whats up and also down? your mum

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who are the worlds fastest readers? the people who jumped on 911 cause they read 48 stories in 10 seconds

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what happened when spongebob and Patrick were mean to sandy? she made a hurricane

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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