- Anti Joke

8===D

Two penguins walk are in the bathtub and says "can you pass me the soap?" the other one looks at him quite quarly and says "what do you think i am, a chainsaw?!?"

Why did the guy run out of the whorehouse? Because when she spread her legs it looked like she was pulling apart a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

How do you stop a baby from drowning? Take your foot off its neck.

If you have me you want to share me, if you share me you no longer have me. What am I? (a secrect)

Why did the person write an antijoke? To get to the other side

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer was sexually abusive.

Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

While getting Sherrie's Crabcakes I was arrested by Missy Hepp highway patrol.

What's the difference between Chuck Norris and Bigfoot? Nothing. Their both really hairy.

How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her she is a burnette.

there was a Black and Mexican in a car who was driving? the cop

Why was the blonde so dumb? She had a severe case of dyslexia, which made it difficult to study.

Why couldn't the towel talk? Because it didn't have a language.

Randomly Dialed Homeowner: Hello? Prankster: Hello is your regrigerator running? Randomly Dialed Homeowner: Yes... Prankster: Oh good. I was just calling to make sure. Have a good day!

What did the fridge say when I opened it? Nothing.

Q. What did batman say to Robin before they got in the car? A. Get in the car Robin.

Whats better than winning a gold medal in the special olympics? Not being retarded

why did joe diragi cross the road there was food on the other side

What's the difference between a ball and a bouncy ball? A bouncy ball is bouncy.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gangrape.

I see, listen, we can all get affected by how the world perceives us at times, but the thing is, that if you allow others perception of you to become yours, then you lose yourself, then it does not matter how intelligent, resourceful, wise insightful (etc etc) you are, because it becomes what you where. You are struggling friend, and yes I am biased, you are a woman and I myself often see men as mere obstacles standing in the way for my ladies. Says a lot about me huh? Then again, we are all biased, its not something we can correct, but something we have to accept, only then can we take control over our own "bias", and use it solely to our advantage in order to excel at what we do. I find myself at loss for words, I mean believe me, I personally believe that men that consider other men superior to women, should get themselves a boyfriend instead, and also that they have clearly forgotten that line in that pretty cool movie 300. "Only women give birth to strong men". So ask yourself, do you truly consider yourself inferior because you are an attractive woman? Or are you allowing others to convince you again out of free will, or in other words, letting them get to you? Remember friend, how you choose to perceive yourself is always, ALWAYS a choice, but our society worldwide is structured in a matter, where the choice to allow others to define us rather than to seek for answers within us and change what we do not like and embrace what we love about ourselves, is well... Not an easy one, the world is about the survival of the fittest, but if we define ourselves and our values at the fittest and succeed, others will seek to follow us, people like us are not meant to become athletes nor artists that reach long distances solely to gain the praise of others and worthless gold medals that prove that we showed the world how many times we where willing to run around in circles inspired solely by their praise. Keep that in mind, remember who you truly are, and if you have become what others have told you, you can always change that for what you truly, deeply want. So as for practical advice, I suggest you reveal to "your people" that you are female, how you convey that, is the only thing that truly matters as hard as it is to realize and accept this at times. Will you walk towards them head hanging and say "sorry I am a woman"? Or will you show them what a wonderful thing that is? (How you convey that, well, I have a hard time thinking as a woman, and I am not too bothered by that to be sincere). The key there, is that you cannot fool people without fooling yourself, you have to see yourself as the wonderful woman that you are, in order to convey it. Cant say I feel too good about myself now, I would not hesitate to break a man in two if the alternative means me or those I care about getting hurt, but I had no idea I was throwing so much shit at a woman.

How do you confuse a Mexican? Stand in the middle of a crosswalk while shouting "Cthulu will rise!" whilst looking at the sky and playing "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung. Works every time.

A german walks into a London Pub. He turns to the man on his left and says, " Hallo Kolleginnen und dort bar Mäzen. Ich bin gespannt zu sehen, ob wir eine Beziehung herzustellen, wie ich gesucht Gespräch, als ich in der wunderbaren Kultur, die London zu bieten hat. Ist das in Ordnung mit dir? Heil Hitler"

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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