What did Hitler get for Christmas? Some shoelaces for his shoes so he could tie his little knotsies.

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I really want to wear my Christmas leggings Actually I lied about the leggings, they're tights I love anal

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a mus lim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the mus lim has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the mus lim that he's keeping company with a swine, and the mus lim feels offense for the poor horse.

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Why did the male propagate the female? Because he was drugged. Slyly, this foxy female had slipped the male the date rape drug and a dangerous amount of viagra. During intercourse, the male ripped a gaping hole in the female's stomach and killed her. He woke up confused inside a dead stinking corpse.

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Whats funnier than a dead baby tied to a tree? Everything, infant mortality is a very sad thing.

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A: Knock, Knock B: Whos there? A: Noone, the door and the visitor are both existential figments of your imagination.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by your great grandma

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Q: What were little Jonathon's grandmas last words before dying of Alzheimer's? A: Who are you?

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Roast Beef is a solid and Pea Soup is a liquid

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a man was hired for a job. he made a lot of money and was able to support his family.

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What's the difference between a lesbian and a Pringle ? One is a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I haven't been able to deal Since the day that I lost you. Now these roses bleed red And these violets cry blue I think of you in memories Do you think of me too?

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Why did the trombone player have sex so often? Because he was hot.

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Why was the man dress in a suit ? He had a job

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What did the magician's assistant say after the magician cut her in half?... Nothing. Her spine was severed and she died instantly.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i got a boner, from looking at you

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Q: Why can't Carl drive? A: Carl is a stone

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Columbine Massacre

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A blonde was very smart, and nobody made fun of her when she sometimes made small mistakes like every other person regardless of hair color.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, so is my face, I'm constipated

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My dad calls me a son of a bitch and I'm like "hey! You married her"

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Why did the smoker die at a petrol station? He had lung cancer.

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Why couldnt the girl braid her hair? She had cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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