i like my coffee like i like my women. without a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q. Why did the child's mother tell him to clean his room? A. Because his room was messy.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the man say when he saw his t.v. floating in the middle of the night? I must be seeing things. By logic, televisions don't float. My weary eyes must be playing tricks on me and I should probably go back to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

When does 1+1=3? When the condom fails.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the vulture cross the road? To get to the pile of dead babies left over from the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

whats black, then white, then dead all over? Michael jackson

thumb_up thumb_down -12

robin, get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the boy fail math? He got bad grades.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I need a sidecart on my motorcycle just for my diick

thumb_up thumb_down -12

You have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars. You both have the same amount of money.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Your mom is so fat that she has high cholesterol. Moral: I AM NOT CRAZY! Said the man to the dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

One terrible stormy night, the citizens of Ristoville were hiding from the monsterous lightning cloud approaching them. Little Jonny Harrison, however, was not afraid. This boy had been bullied from the ripe young age of about 14 months by his closest friend, Uncle Oliver, who happens to be a Catholic Priest. Jonny wanted to face the storm, with 6 years behind him, he thought it bizzare that anything worse than Uncle Oliver's magical basement could be brought unto him. He grabbed his supply of Cheese and Onion Quavers, a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Flavoured Ribena, his pretend mobile, a 10ft long metal conductor and his pet grape, "Christopher", and set out for the journey of his life. He told his terminally ill mother that he is going for the adventure of a lifetime, his dad that he wishes him well, and finally, his Grandmother, Rosie Harrison, who has had a severe addiction to meth for almost 25 years now, who has had over 13 interventions and countless attempts at suicide, that he loves her with all of his strong, brave heart, and to hang in there. Little Jonny Harrison takes his first step outside, facing the eye of storm with a little bit of pee in his pants, squeezes his Ribena, slightly squirting it and throwing it heroicly to the drooping wet grass, and screams to the cloud, at the top of his lungs, the words, "I am unstoppable!". Jonny died of HIV induced AIDS and his Uncle was given three to five years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation and consistent domestic abuse and paedophillia. His Grandmother, Rosie, also died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q: How do you tell a Jewish person that you love them? A: You tell them "I love you".

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Steven Hawking walks into a bar. Steven Hawking is disabled from the neck down. I lied.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you hit a clown off a swing? There are many was of acting upon this situation but the most successful approach would be hitting the clown with a heavy object,

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the Mexican parents name their first born son? Nobody knows. He was adopted by a nice family due to the fact that his biological parents were murdered in cold blood. His foster parents named him Kevin.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I told my friend one of these anti-jokes, he took it seriously and beat my head with a bat.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

david weres the slug gone

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's the difference between Hurricane Sandy and Barrack Obama? One is a catastrophic event that resulted in thousands of deaths, countless power outages and homes destroyed, and millions of dollars in damages, and is said to be one of the worst tropical storms to ever hit the nation. The other is the President of the United States, who has put in an unbelievable amount of effort to fix our economy, create jobs, and make America a better place to live. So as you can see, the two things are extremely different. One must wonder why this question was even asked in the first place, as one is a human being and the other is a storm, making any common traits between them almost non-existent.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why shouldn't gingers smoke before they are 3? Because they have souls and still abide by the same rules!........................................................................................................................................ If you laughed at that you either don't like gingers or should be shot. And by the way... Why did Snape kill Dumbledore? Because he had to.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Roses are red, violets are purple.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are also red, "Honey, please call the fire department!"

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Hi, this is luke. Luke, I am your father. I burned my father's body after he died saving my life on a large space station. You're not my father, stop calling.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What happened when the black man tried to cross the road Nothin. He tripped on a bug trying to get on the edge

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops