How do you wake up a black man? You stab him in the thigh.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate says, "I know, I was just raped by a group of men who thought it would be funny to humiliate me as much as possible. The bartender then called 911 seeing that a horrible crime had just been committed.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Yo mama so fat - - That your dad left her, and it's tearing your family apart

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, It's still in its pen.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What is both blue and yellow at the same time? Green.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a serial rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Your mommas so dumb she had to climb a glass wall to see what was on the other side! But the glass was slippy so she never saw what was on the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

911 jokes are just plane wrong

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what is worse than finding finding an apple in your worm? Finding your peanut shells in your peanut.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Little goldy locks was walking through a forest and stumbled across a nice cabin. She went inside and ate some newly made porridge and slept on the various beds that were there. The owners of the house came back from a stroll of their own and sued her for breaking and entering.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q) What is the difference between an elephant and a toaster? A) Do you seriously not know the difference between an elephant... and a toaster?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the blond fall down? She died.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Yo mama so stupid she was trying to put her M&M's in alphabetical order

thumb_up thumb_down +19

When writing haikus Sometimes, I miscount the syllables See, that line has eight.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

That awkward moment when you have to tell your child you wanted an abortion, and still wish you had.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter and now I am dead."

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was hit by a fridge. Why did Sally fall off her bike? She was hit by a falling monkey and fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was 7 afraid of 6, because 6 raped 5

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What happened to the boy after his life saving surgery? He died of an unrelated disease.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was the little boy inside the house instead of playing with his friends outside? His dad just died from cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops