Why did the woman spray a black man in the eyes with pepper spray, then promptly run away? Because the woman was a notorious criminal and was currently robbing the man's house, but was caught in the act so she used pepper spray as her last line of defense while she fled from the scene before the man could call the police to detain her and put her in prison for her crimes.

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Why'd the kid stick ice up his nose? To keep his lunch cold.

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how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 7

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Why did the chicken change the projector reel? To get to the other slide.

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What do you call an African American witch doctor dressed in ceremonial robes flying a plane? A Pilot.

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A man penetrates another man.

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Your garden's on fire.

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Whats long, hard, and makes a girl excited? A penis.

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What's worse than having a worm in your apple? 2012.

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Q: why did suzie fall out of the swing? A: because she was a pinecone

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What did one dead baby say to the other dead baby? Nothing, they are both dead.

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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? A: I'm sorry. I was raised in an abusive home and I never learned how to properly express my emotions. I'm going to seek professional counseling but in the meantime we should end our relationship for your safety.

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How do you stop a lumberjack? You thrust a javelin through his lungs

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What's similar about a black person and a white person? They're both black, apart from the white person

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? To visit the graves of his wife and only daughter who were killed in a car accident at the fault of a drunk driver many years prior.

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Why did Jimmy lay down? Because he was tired

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A man is hungry so he gets on his coat and shouts : "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!". His wife says not to because the police say the rapist 'Eggman' is out again. He says he will be very careful. On his way he hears 'They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggmen-" and the man shouts: "AND I AM THE WAlRUS, SO GET THE HECK OUTTA MY FACE OR I WILL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" The Eggman and the man found two more people from Liverpool and formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band broke up.

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roses are blue violets are red heres a gun now your dead

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What do you call a man who burns his country's flag on it's independence day? Unpatriotic

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Did you know that... Billy had a heart attack, it was sad. Now you know!

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SHUT UP, yes you... WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!!!

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what do you call a man who go his head cut off in a car accident? dead.

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What's better than winning a gold at the paralympic Walking

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What did the astronaut say when he stepped on the moon? Oops, sorry.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops