Alice? Childhood Alice? I did not recognize you! Its so nice to hear from you again! I would not worry too much about Nero`s shouting at night dear friend, while he has overcome a lot, he suffers from nightmares and nightterrors, its not pain, not physical at least, please do not tell him I told you, he prefers sparing people the details. Should I type as If I am typing to Nero? Sorry, I am just a bit flustered, Nero has never been the romantic type, not towards me at least... I know the "official chatting hours are over, but can I ask you or rather him to stay on a bit longer?"

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Why can't a T-Rex masturbate? Because dinosaurs have been extinct nearly 65 million years, due to an asteroid collision with the Earth

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What do you call a black guy that has a big white coat, an assortment of knives and a couple of women working for him? A doctor

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How can you tell if a substance is an acid or a base just by looking at it? You can't. pH or Litmus paper would be necessary in order to determine whether a substance is an acid or a base.

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What is invisible and smells like cheese? Cheese. I lied about the invisible part, because cheese is not invisible.

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When did the War of 1812 begin? 1963.

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas? A Wii.

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Robert Muldoon: "Clever girl..." Velociraptor: "I appreciate your compliment, but I will still eat your face."

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Why can't the Mexican float? He never learned the proper technique as he was not allowed to take swim class.

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Hay is for horses and other hay consuming mammals.

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Why shouldn't I go out today? Well I haven't done any work today. Actually no. It's not that. I'd have to ask my guardian Sally to bring out the wheelchair, and well, I'm afraid of her. She beats me. My hobbies are playing football, watching Loose Women and looking at pictures of Gary Barlow on Google Images.

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darude- sandstorm

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Knock knock. Who is there? The FBI. They have a warrant for your arrest.

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Yo mama is so fat she has a gym membership and a diet plan to lose weight

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what did the man do when he fell off the top of a building? Nothing He DIED!!!!!!

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An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" The Irish man looks down at it, dumbfounded. "I have absolutely no idea," he says, and removes it.

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What do you get when you cross a black man and a Mexican man? I don't know.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile? 'Get in the batmobile Robin'

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Donald Duck walks into a drug store and asks the lady behind the counter for a bag of condoms. So the lady says, "Sure thing sir, would you like me to put that on your bill"? Donald says," THIT(Shit)NO, I'LL THUFFOCATE! (Suffocate)

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Yesterday I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.

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Q: How do you know what will happen when the world willl end? A: by experience

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When Chuck Norris moved into a new house he decide to renovate because he didn't like the staircase.

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What do you call a shoe with no laces? Stilettos, sandals, flip flops, slippers, etc...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Refrigerators are whitWhen falling from trees, they kill you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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