Q: What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A: A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird.

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A bartender sees Jesus Christ, George Washington, and Adolf Hitler walk into his bar. The bartender is drunk.

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What did jimmy get for dinner? Food

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What did the kid with cancer get for his birthday? Nothing he didnt make it that far

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What's up? Not the Twin Towers.

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I'm on the seafood diet. I eat clams and shrimp because it is healthy for me.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah!

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Why was the plumber sad? Because his whole family died in a plane crash.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Why did David go swimming? Pink sock.

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You know your in deep shit when you hit somebody in the head with a 2 by 4 and they dont go down.

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Yo mama is so stupid... She didn't graduate high school.

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The frightened girl did everything the man said. " Open your legs. Bend over..." She was playing Simon says and was afraid to loose. It wasn't sexual abuse, which her sister had experienced while traveling around the world in 2007.

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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A legless and armless woman is laying on the beach. A man walks by and hears her crying. "What's wrong?" asks the man. "I've never been kissed before" says the woman. So the man leans down and kisses her. The next day the man sees the woman crying at the beach again. "What's wrong this time?" asks the man. "I've never been hugged before" So the man picks up the legless and armless woman and gives her a big hug. The next day the man sees the woman still on the beach crying. "Okay now what's wrong?" asks the man. "I've never been f---ked before" says the woman. So the man picks up the woman, and has sex with her. They end up going on several dates later on and getting married at sunset on the very beach where they met.

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what did the boy with no arms get for easter? a cane.

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Win industrial estate, Newry

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Q: Why did Tom bought a new sweeper? A : because his grandma fired their maid

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Womens rights.

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What's black and white and read all over? Michael Jackson bleeding, I spelled " red" wrong

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Guess what? The Game.

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How many Jews can you fit in to a car? Well depending on the car 2-8

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What is the easiest method of making multiple women fall head over heels? Have a wingman help you raise a rope at the start of a women's running race.

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A terminte walks into a pub and ask is the bar tender here?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops