Why did the asian man go to the bar with a black man? Because they both wanted to enjoy a few beers in the company of another.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

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That awkward moment when the moment is awkward.

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The Charlotte Bobcats

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How did the baby survive the car accident? He didn't. He was killed on impact.

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What did the doctor say to the morbidly obese man? "You should get on a diet. It's a surprise you're even alive for so long with such a bad heart" The next day the man dies while eating celery.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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You all have Aids

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My childhood friend said she had a bad breakup with her husband (yeah husband), and that she needed a really stiff one. Come on! How was I supposed to know she was talking about alcohol! She did blush and smile after I pulled my pants down however, that`s like seven out of ten right? I mean I was just trying to help a friend out right? And myself, fine myself, but it will be a total win/win situation, you know... Those where you win twice? "Dont worry, Im not comming" *pewpew*

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Chuck Norris has appeared in several action films.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Actually, violets are violet

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i told my parents that i was having friends come over my dad said great my mom said great so i said great

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What did the politician say to the other politician? We are both politicians.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? A Holocaust survivor. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

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A: Hi I am a Mormon B: I know I'm one of your wifes

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Mum makes $97 per hour working online? Offline I can see , but online, mmm pull the other one, it plays lossless codecs

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Q: What do you call a barn full of black people? A: Antique farm equipment.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself pink and throw green banana at her.

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If all ziggles are zaggles and all zaggles are zumbles, then why is your mother a whore?

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horses are burgers now ive got the flu watch out tescos because im gonna sue

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Q: If Alma have 4 corners..? A: Then there must be something wrong with Alma...

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What did the black man say when he waked into KFC? Can I use the restroom?

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How do you make your mom mad? Burn down the house and eat the dog.

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What's faster, a train or a bike? A horse because a cow gives milk

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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