what happened to the fish that got washed ashore? it died due to lack of water-borne air particles.

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Why are objects in your mirror closer than they appear? Because they are closer than they appear.

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what happened when Bob told a joke? Joe laughed.

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why cant dinosaurs talk? because they're all dead

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So a guy with a machine gun walks into a bank, makes a deposite and leaves.

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Why is Megan Fox so hot? Because the air conditioning broke.

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What is Ron afraid of? Spiders!

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how do you get a blonde to stop following you? file a restraining order.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Interrupting Doctor" "Interrupting Doc-" "You have Cancer'

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anti-joke.ru - russian style

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Why did the boy fall of his bike? He's learning to ride and understandably lost his balance.

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how do you get lady gaga to wake up in the morning? Hit her with a brick

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what does a deer and grass have in common? they are both green but i lied about the deer

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You always hear of the 9/11 stories where people who work in the World Trade Centers were late that day or home sick or whatever. My mom also worked there. It was a normal morning, got up to make us breakfast, got us to school on time, the whole bit. After having to do all that stuff, she actually got to work on time, and she died in the attack.

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How many frogs does it take to change a light bulb None. Frogs lack the cranial capacity to change said lightbulb. If eventually by evolution they become smart enough to change lightbulbs, they may learn to handle machinery and pose a real threat to humans

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "A door to door salesman. Are you unsatisfied with the way your dish soap handles your plates? Then I have the product for you!" "I'm not interested in your product, but thank you anyway." "No problem. On an off note, how did you hear me? I didn't speak very loudly when I said knock knock, and I didn't even bother to knock on the door or ring the doorbell." "I have really good hearing." "Oh, okay. And for future reference, maybe you should open the door when talking to a visitor. Then body language gets established and the conversation flows more nicely that way." "That's some good advice, and I'll take it. Thanks, salesman." "You're welcome. On to the next house."

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A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

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Your mother's so ugly she has low self-esteem

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VITAMIN C!

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A blond, a brunette, and a redhead all walk into a bar. They order martinis and have a nice evening.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side.

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Where's the soap?

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar. He orders a drink without making any grammatical errors.

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Ants are the Velociraptors of the insect world.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops