You can lead a horse to water, and you can pick your friends, but you can't sneeze with your eyes open.

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A man walks into a bar. He is followed by a chicken, 2 donkeys, a tiger, 7 cardinals, 3 horses, 11 chipmunks, and 2 squirrels. And they all lived happily ever after. THE END

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumbty took a great fall Because he was terribly intoxicated And failed to probably balance himself.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 commited statutory rape on a younger 5, gang banged 8 with 10 and 11, murdered 9, and was sentenced to jail for life.... eventually the case was dropped and 7 was let out early for community service. He told 6 he was coming for him 6 months later.... 6 was so terrified he didn't know what to do... he was living in fear... eventually he commited suicide by jumping off a cliff just off the coach of Palm Beach into the pacific ocean. His body was never found His family didnt get to say good bye... This is why 6 was afraid of 7

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Q: What do you call four black guys hanging in a barn? A: Farm tools

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to go well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that when his wife was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas, despite that the tank was full and she only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrendous car accident that caused the fuel to empty and catch fire. Mary survived but their 6 month old baby was killed.

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Two black guys and two asians get pulled over. The cop says i cant let you go unless all of your dicks add up to 15 inches. They added up to exactly 15 inches - The black guys both added up to 7 inches each and the asians added up to 1/2 inch each. When they were driving away both of the asians said thank god we had boners.

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Why is the redneck crying? They died of diabeetus.

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Why was it so hard for teachers to teach Tommy? Tommy is brain dead

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Do you know why I am excited? I don't know I'm asking you.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? I'm a talking banana; what more do you want from me?

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How do you make something disappear from your hand? Throw it somewhere that's out of sight,

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What did you say? I'm blind. (Did not write this meaning to be offensive)

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpion

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When life gives you carrots, don't make carrot juice, because it's gross.

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Mahjdichdhsjxidjhsbxu shcowiqx own hdqu Hedgehog the third

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Why did I the granda fall out of her wheel chair?. She fell down the steps

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How do you get a tissue to dance. You don't.

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I took a shower yesterday. You have no idea how hard it was sneaking that thing out of Home Depot.

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What do you call a person with no arms or legs rolling around in leaves? I don't know that seems like a highly improbable situation

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Yo mama's so ugly, She cured cancer.

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A cricket walks into a bar and the bartender says,"Hey, we have a drink named after you!' and the cricket says,"Oh really? You have a drink named Joe?"

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What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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