Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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hey chris what yu doing wit my back pack? using it..

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What do you call a monkey holding a hand grenade? It depends on what its name is.

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What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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A duck walks into a bar *************************** Later that day the homeless man had duck for dinner.

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Knock knock. *Silence Knock knock *silence Knock knock *Silence KNOCK KNOCK. *Silence (Busts open door) Oh right I murdered Billy a week ago

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I once had a friend We had our arguments, and went our separate ways.

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What's Green And Has Wheels? Grass, I Was Just Kidding About The Wheels.

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Q: What goes up but doesn't come down? A: Columbia

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How many Muslims does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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How many blondes does it take to screw a lightbulb? There's too little information to come up with a reasonable answer.

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky? It had no wings.

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What do you call a blonde that just got hit by a school bus? Dead.

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When did joseph the deer learn to fly? - Never, deer can't fly

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What'd the left nut say to the right nut? How's it hangin?

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side

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Why did Michael Jackson name his kid blanket? Because after years of drug abuse and sexual insecurity led to him thinking unrealistically during the birth of his children.

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When does the ice cream get thrown at the yellow horse on thursday evening? Purple Monkey Rainbow

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Knock knock. Who's there? No one, because your house burned down.

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What's the difference between a black man and and a bag of crap? A lot, but mostly the bag

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What did the librarian say at the heavy metal concert? Shhhhh

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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Q:what did the 14 year old girl from Tennessee say to her dad when she lost her virginity? A: Get off of me

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops