- Anti Joke

why does everyone like this website? ... because every other joke a little baby is dying.

What is the difference between 10 dead babies and a 1,000,000 dollar car I don't have a 1,000,00 dollar car

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

What did the two homosexual dolphins do when nobody was around? They continued on their way because neither of them had met.

What do you call a man sitting at the bar drinking alone? An alcoholic.

a man walks off of a damn. a damn is not a noun, thus nobody can walk off it

What did the electron do after losing his proton? Trough electromagnetical forces, the electron simply left it's atom, making it become a positive ion. Then, atracted by other atom's magnetical force, it joins the other atom's last vallence shell, creating a negative ion, since there are more electrons then protons in the atom in issue.

It was a beautiful day, John was driving in his car down the street, Kameron was riding his bike preparing for a bike race the following day, and Griffin was having his 7th birthday party. John ran over Kameron and Griffin, he killed Griffin and broke Kameron's legs to where he could never stand/ride again

What did the doctor say to the recently diagnosed AIDS patient? I'm sorry there is nothing we can do.

a black person was walking into his home. good thing balls like apple juice and Miley Cyrus was keeping guard with her sword.

A black man and a Mexican man are both in a car. Who's driving? The white man who is also in the car with them.

Knock Knock! Who's there?! Michelle Bachman.

Why did you loose the basketball game? Because they scored more points than us.

I scream, you scream, we all scream when we're chased by bears.

Q: Why was the man eating his foot? A: Because he was a part of the circus.

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I don't know what to do! One day I'm a wig wam, the other day I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee again!" The doctor sighs and replies,"Sir, we've been over this. You have stage four periodic cancer."

Roses are red Viloets are unicorns this? doesn't make sense Refridgeator

Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms or legs. A.Knock knock B. Who's there? A.Not Susie

Why did the chicken cross the road? To try to go to heaven because his girlfriend Margaret was cooked into chicken sandwhiches, and he had no kids and he didn't want to marry someone else, so he tried to get ran over but no cars hit him so he cooked himself. AND so he became KFC-Style chicken wings. BUUUT since no one ate them, he grabbed them up from heaven and commented on how delicious he was and proceeded to eat more and then exploded, sending him to heaven's heaven. But it was just a dream. And Margaret had to do laundry some more today because he freaking caused a urine tsunami. You're welcome.

What did George Washington say to his men before they got on a boat? Men, get on the boat

Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I'm a dog.

How Do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the door put the elephant in and close the door. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the door take the elephant out put the giraffe in and close the door. The lion king has a meeting with all the animals but one doesn't turn up, which one is it? The giraffe because it's still in the fridge.

I was in the 74th hunger games I hid in the cornucopia until almost everyone was dead. Then I saw Katniss and Peeta so while they were distracted with night lock I pulled a rubber chicken out of my ass and beat the shit out of them till they died then I won the 75th hunger game also. They asked me to be there mocking jay but I killed them all and blew the plane up in the Capitol the end. By Adam Chebali

What is orange and annoying? A purple potato.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops