A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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c-? men, C-men

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How do you stop a group of black guys from fighting? go over to them and ask them politely to stop.

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What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating? Many things could be worse than that, from the less severe e.g. Finding half a worm in the apple you're eating to the more severe, such as the total collapse of civilization.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because KFC was hiring

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What do you call a chicken? You say bawk bawk bawk bawk cockadoodledoo

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I once had a friendly cohort, whose limericks often ran short, but this one doesn't, I don't know why, Also, he often can't rhyme.

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What looks like half a loaf of bread. The other half

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I feel like am motherf***ing stuck in this duck and it makes me wana quack like what the f**k is THAT!

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How many kids does Buzz Light Year have? To infinity and beyond!!

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One man asked another man what his favorite sport was. The man replied: " My favorite sport is golf." "Golf requires no physical strength, therefore I do not count it as a sport." Said the man who asked the question.

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so an apple walks into a bar... I'm terrible at making jokes...

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Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet? The people who were in charge of that decision.

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Did you know that Hellen Keller had an amusement park in her backyard? Neither did she.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I felt like kicking something.

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What's funnier than the pope in a speedo? Humor is subjective, so answers vary from person to person.

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what does a baby sound like in a microwave. i don't know i was masturbating

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A black man walks into a... nevermind, this joke is dumb.

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Q. A couple went on a boat. The boat sank. Every single person died, who survied? A. The couple.

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the WNBA

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why couldnt jimmys feet touch the ground? he was hanging.

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Fact: When you die, you can't eat ice cream!

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What happened to the white man who beat up the black man? He was arrested for assault and battery. What happened to the black man who beat up the white man? He was also arrested for assault and battery. Their races have no superiority to the law.

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What do you say to a cat with a helmet on? Silly cat, you rhyme with hat but you shouldn't wear one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops