A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

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A one armed blond is in a tree, how to you get her to come down? You wave to her?

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why did jimmy stop eating his breakfast two Penn state officials knocked at the door

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Godzilla steps on a bar and orders a Scotch.

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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How do you make a baby stop crying? Make it smell its own diaper then, drown it in its own tears.

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How do you make a boy cry? Kill his family

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What do a Mexican and a elephant have in common? Aside from the fact they're both alive beings, they share the same kingdom, phylum, class and the fact of both being alive beings, each other are in constant contact with the environment, they both share affectionate ties with partners of their species, being them from the same family, breeding partner ou even just alive beings of the same especies of each one.

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A blind man walks into a book store. He asks if they have any books in Braille. The employee says "Yes! Many you haven't even seen before!"

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Poop

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do you have a wife?

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One, two, three, four and five

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Why did the overweight black man wake up & then not get out of bed? He was paraplegic.

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The black man at the narcotics anonymous meeting said, "oh, this isn't bingo is it?" then walked out of the room feeling mildly embarassed.

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What do you get when you cross a Zebra with a Sheep? Hounded by a religious group for playing God.

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Your Mum is soo fat.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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Q. What does the pencil and the basketball have in common? A. They both are made from wood, except for the basketball.

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Q: Why was the black guy afraid of the chainsaw A: It was cutting his arm off

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whats worse than getting ran over by a car seeing you mum having ***

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Q: What's the best way to eat lasagna A: With a fork, although a spoon is a fine substitute

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A man says to another man, "Why the long face?" He then replies, "I have an elongated face, hands, and feet due to acromegaly."

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Roses are red. Violets are blue.

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Why does Mario grown on shrooms? Because they bloom inside of him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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