Q: What do you do when you see a half dead black guy on your front lawn? A: Call the ambulance because he is dying

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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So you have been really stressed lately huh?

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A man walks in a bar he talks to the bartender aand he tells him a joke about him and hs friends. how do you find out his name? You killl the bartenders friends and family untill he talks.

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What's worse than scraping your knee? Getting a needle shoved into your penis and the needle hitting your scrotum so that you are in serious agony for hours and finding out you cannot have kids because of it.

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Q: What happened to the dog when he eat the banana? A: he got raped by a monkey...

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Why did the chicken cross the road?? Because he felt like it okay!!! Just let him be!!!

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What's sad about a guy jumping off a cliff? The cliff.

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Where do you send a Jew with ADD? A concentration camp.

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how many jews can you fit into a car 5, two in the front three in the back

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Q: Why did the Westboro Baptist Church picket the gay marine’s funeral? A: Homosexuals are a plague sent by Satan to destroy the fabric of America.

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Q: What kind of punch do vampires drink ? A: None... It's really blood, you should know that by now.

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Why did Zayne have no friends? Because he is retarded.

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What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks: "why the long face?" The horse replies: "my wife has terminal cancer."

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So I went to an audition, my friend said "break a leg" And then I did

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What did the man with no arms say to the jewish man? I have no arms.

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whats your budget like? a budget.

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What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person? Nagger

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What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's white and sticky? A stick painted white.

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roses are red violets r blue jump off a building no one likes u

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A paper cut is a tree's last revenge.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms... Why couldn't sally get up? She had no legs Why did no one help sally? Because she has no friends.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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