Why cant Michael J Fox draw a perfect circle? because he is dying of parkinson's disease.

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What's the best way to win a race? Run faster than all other participants.

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A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doc, I blacked out last night and have a sore ass." The doctor took some x-rays and informed him he had colon cancer.

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Your mother smells so bad that if she were alive in 1919 she would most likely be outlawed in the Geneva Convention or at least banished from conventional warfare among nations that adhere to the restrictions imposed by such a document

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Is your refrigerator running? yeah oh...just wondering.

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A man wakes up after a long night with a girl he recently met. He pulls out a cigarette, and looks for his lighter, but can not find it. He asks the girl if she has a lighter and she replies "There might be some matches in the top drawer of my dresser." He opens the top drawer and finds some matches.

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A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

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What happenes if you put an elephant in the fridge? Nothing, it wouldnt fit.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swings? Because I threw a refrigerator at her.

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What do you call a building full of Mexicans? JAIL.

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Try typing in any three letters in Google images and you will always see something inappropriate. Posted by: BerserkSpoon

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Why didnt the homeless man eat the cheese? Because he died right before he ate it. :-(

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" Want to hear a good anti-joke?! " " Sure! " " Me too. "

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There is a blond and a burnette in a car. The blonde is driving. What a nice use of the carpool

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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What do you call a house full of Mexicans? A house

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Why didn't the policeman stop the bank robbery? He wasn't there

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Roses are gray, Violets are gray, Everything is gray, I'm a dog.

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Roses are red Violets are red My lawn is red My fences are red It appears my garden is on fire.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because it died

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What does a gay horse eat? Carrots

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Why did the squirrel fall out the tree? It was dead Why did the second squirrel fall out the tree? It was stapled to the first squirrel Why did the the third squirrel fall out the tree? Peer pressure Why did the fourth squirrel fall out the tree? It thought it was a game Why did the tree fall over? It thought it was a squirrel Why did the postman die? He got hit in the head by four squirrels and a tree

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Doctor Doctor i've got wind can you give me something? Thats not wind the doctor replies thats a rare form of stomach cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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