What did the butler say to the guest while his master is in the bathroom? Butler: "Sir, will you wait while the Master bathes?" Guest: "How long will he be, I'm quite busy!" Butler: "He shouldn't be long sir, he should be finishing up now."

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Why was the five-year old lying in the middle of the sidewalk? Because he was dead.

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why did the cow say "moo"? because he's a cow and that's what cows say.

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why did the kid get home from school early cause he was home from school..

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I bought a pound of gold for my new gold ring, later that day I lost it

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How did the blonde reply to the male man when he asked how she was? "I'm good."

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Why is the horny toad named that way? Because its a misnomer of the horned lizard.

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What's worse than finding the Holocaust in your apple? Nothing

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What's better than finding Jesus in your room? Finding Chuck Norris in your bed.

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Q. What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A. A gay bar

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What do you call a dear with no eyes? no eyed dear what do you call a dear with no head? dead!

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I just sharpened this hatchet Don't make me use it!

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Why celebrate your birthday, its just getting closer and closer the death.

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What do you call a Mexican who likes to eat burritos? A Mexican

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Why did Johnny throw the clock out the window? His parents are never around to supervise him.

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Giant scorpions, red roses, adoption, the holocaust, bars, changing light bulbs, and fridges.

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Jesse is so fat, his weight on his scale says " hahaha gotta love childhood obesity"

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Your family is so fat that when their feet hit the ground, it recorded 9 on the richter scale, because they were launched at the Earth at close to the speed of light, and when you account for relativistic mass effects, the amount of energy that was displaced into the ground was tremendous

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. The stewardess calls secret service and has the man arrested.

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Q: How to make a man who suffers from hypochondria want to kill himself? A: You take a shet on his face.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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A russian, a mexican, and an american are all sitting in a tavern. The russian ordered vodka, the mexican orders tequila, and the american orders a beer. When the waiter arrives, the russian throws his vodka into the air, shoots it, and says "we got too many of those in our country". The mexican tosses up his tequila and says "we got too many of those in our country". The american throws up his beer, shoots the mexican, and says "we got too many of those in our country". And then drinks his beer.

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A grandma writes to her young grandson every day over e-mail with funny lines and pictures,He shows his parents a joke she sent him it reads- "A guy walks into a bar.. He says ouch" They then read on and call the police.They say "Son go to your room.. you're being stalked by a pedophile.. Your grandma has been dead since last year.. we are sorry"

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How did john walk on the sun? We don't know, he probably burned to death before getting close.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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