life is like a rapist. sometimes they're nice other times, they ram you in the ass.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Life is like a box of chocolates, some are brown, and some are white.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Plumber, ma'am." "Thank God you're here. I haven't been able to take a shower in three days."

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why did matt daly want to go to prison? to be fondled

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Ben Wuz here was the funniest Hahahahaha

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Me: did u here the one about the girl got hit by a car? Man: no what happened? Me: She is in the hosspital with slight fractures and a broken wrist, but she will live

thumb_up thumb_down -18

a guy walks into the bedroom with a duck in his arms, his wife is in bed half nakid. he then coments out loud this is the pig im f**king. his wife says huny your holding a duck. then he with a serious look on his face says im sory i wasent talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Gawds Trololols: Jewsus: I die for ur Sins, now u are free! *argh* Gawd AD 3000: TIME TO DIE SINNERS! Jewsus: But I paid for humanity`s sins and am stuck in hell because of this and... Gawd: Meh just didnt really liek you TROLOLOL! Gawds Trololols 2 directors clit: Gawd: Jebus! (the third) I want you to trololol peeps now! GO! Jebus: As you see people, I have died for you in order to prove that I am immortal! Peeps: Uh, wow? Jebus: TROLOLOL! So dad, when am I gonna get back to earth again, I kinda promised my boyfriends/apostles that there would be a second cumming as you told me to do, and people have been waiting for over twothousand and fourtee... Gawd: Never! Trolololol! Moral: "Would you trust a being whose veins are loaded with alcohol?" Jesus 2: The second coming: In cincemas never!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call the man with no arms and no legs? Jeff. Because that's his ****ing name.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

death drives to the bus stop where 3 pensioners are waiting for a bus to london, and says GET IN THE VAN!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A man attempts to rob a bank. The police are called and the robber is arrested for attempted robbery.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q: What has four eyes but can't see? A: A blind guy with glasses

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the chicken cross the road? ...because chickens love to confound people.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why was the boy sad? there was a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Noooooooo...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?" The horse replies, "I have cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why did bob eat the cookie? because he was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I got a new jacket. The jacket had real cotton inside the sleeves. The next day my new jacket was gone, but the one i bought yesterday wasn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q: What happened when the rich man got married? A:His wife stole everything he had and left him a cold and broken man.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

So I said to the man "That's no banana, thats my wife!"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops