A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

how do u get a bonar? u look at your mum!!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How do you get to the store, if your car is broken down? Steal a blind girls bike, she can't ride it anyway!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

There once was a man from Nantucket. He had no distinguishing characteristics whatsoever.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet And I hate Jewish people

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why do men not get cullulite? Because it's ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Did you hear about the kidnapping? Well you should be very concerned because he hasn't been found in 4 years.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's ugly and has shit smeared over its teeth? Smelly McD (He also wears bin bag clothes)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did the paraplegic roll his wheelchair up a steep hill? Because he's crippled.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What do you call a person with no arms, legs, and teeth singing in the middle of the street while spinning? I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Once i was walking down the street when i saw a homeless man As i leant to give him money he jumped up and stabbed me. Now i don't approach drunk strangers with hangovers

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What has hands but isn't alive? A dead person.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why didn't junior say thank you for his christmas present from his dad? He was raised by two moms

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What do you call an overly-sexual, chewbacca-like creature that smokes cocaine and shoots heroin, while beating its offspring? Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What can fly, but can not swim? Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Knock Knock. Who's there? Nazi Nazi who? I am the mailman. I nazi your mailbox. Can I leave the letters on the front porch?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What did the shy guy say at the speech? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Yo mama's so fat she needed a toilet that had a bigger seat (just like me)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What did Justin Bieber say when he lost his tampon? Where's my tampon?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Neronism is based on the belief that respect and love for one self and ones opinions, combined with respect and love for the opinions of those which follow the same concepts, is the right thing to do. Now behold what religion has done, it spreads fear and poverty, demands the submission of free will and belief in oneself, which again leads to pedophilia, abuse and discrimination of women, abuse and hate, which breeds life to wars agony, suffering poverty and disease in the name of what defines love these days for some "might exist and be jealous and cruel God which loves you so much, that he gives you the option behind serving him or endless suffering..." Not to mention, this fear of eternal torment, being passed on for generation to generation, creating endless wars since the dawn of mankind. Know that we do consider outsiders inferior, but we do not hate you, we pity you, we will not make you suffer, as you due to your path, suffer enough already. Now ask yourself, if we are what you could say those that represent anti-religion, as we go on knowing this, we can not only do better than religion... ...But the hell if we can do worse! Moral: "We will not walk with pride into the light, we will not go into war against those we disagree with, instead we walk in the dark with humility and listen to our hearts and the one of others in order to find our definition of love and kindness... ...Otherwise Neronism would just be yet another fucking religion, and there is enough of that in this world already. If you listen then you know who I am in spirit, if not then you might have learned something new.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Several of our "name brothers" have been attacked threatened and questioned almost every night since when we last talked on the phone, it turns out that these people are not after me. But after you, they have no idea that I retired years ago, and while their information is limited, you got yourself someone that is selling information on the deep web intentionally, as far as we know he might be selling you out piece by piece, and as of this point, you might be in dire danger.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Whats the difference between pizza and a Jewish person? Pizza doesnt scream when being put into an oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A jew is a person contending to the faith of Judaism, and a pizza is an Italian flat normally round or square baked good consisting of dough, tomato sauce, cheese and various spices, and is sometimes enjoyed with toppings such as meat or vegetables

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops