A bear walks into a bar, and says "I'd like a gin... and tonic." The bartender says "AAAAHHH! A BEAR!!!" and calls animal control. Later after the beast has been tranquilized and carted away, he rationalizes having heard the bear speak as trauma-induced hallucination.

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What did the Banana say to the Peach. Nothing, they are incapable of speaking because they are fruit.

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Everything's looking fine, ma'am. Hope to see you again real soon.

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Woman's Rights

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what do u call a fat guy in a pool u

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How do you make an elf sad? Murder his family.

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What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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you better accept "balls in yo mouf"...

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What did the muffin say to the cup cake? nothing, muffins can't talk, and cup cakes can't hear.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? - Because she had no arms. Why couldn't she get back up again? - Because she had no legs. Why didn't anyone help her? - Because she had no friends. Knock knock. -Who's there? Not Sally.

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A man sees Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles and tells his friends about the incident. They believe the story, because it is entirely plausible that it actually happened.

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What do you call a dog riding a bicycle? An talented dog.

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What do a dog and a fork have in common? They both have tails. Except for the fork.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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A man tells a blonde "you are what you eat" and she replies "well, i don't think I've eaten any sexy beasts today.'

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Q: Whats the difference between a Jewish man and a pizza? A: Jew's are humans and can feel emotions, as for pizza's can not feel emotions, because they are pizzas.

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Roses are red violets are blue I have altimers cheese on toast Srry bout the spelling. I couldn't REMEMBER!

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Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. I'm hammering nails. Knock knock.

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Why was the little boy sad? Both of his parents died in a tragic car accident.

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A doctor rides in his Mercedes Benz through a rough, poor part of town. He sees a homeless person who is begging for money. The doctor stops and gets out of his car and asks "Ill give you some money if you need it for food". The homeless person then shoots and kills the doctor, takes his wallet, and buys crack.

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Patient: Doctor Doctor! Every Time I Drink Some Tea, My Eye Is Really Sore! Doctor: Next Time Take The Spoon Out...

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Q: Why does the man smell so bad? A: He doesn't shower

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I'm so stupid that I'm posting on Anti Jokes!

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? A deer. The fact that it has no eyes doesn't change the species.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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