A muslim man with a long beard and wearing a turban and robe boards an aircraft with a large suitcase. The plane later arrives at its destination a few minutes past the estimated arrival time due to bad weather.

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Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

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what do you call a guy with no arm and legs laying by the door? Matt! what do you call a guy with no arms and legs floating on water Bob!

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How do you catch a Jew? Just give him a little shower ;)

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How do you make someone stop talking? Shove a rock down their throat.

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A man walks into the office for an appointment. The doctor proceeds to perform the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Houlocaust. What's worse than the Houlocaust? Nothing, the Haulocaust was one of the most horrible instances of inhumanity in recorded history.

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Did you know? . You already know!

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Hey, I just met you And this is Crazy I have Amnesia I like trains.

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Why Stevie is silent nowdays? Because he's dead.

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Shit, I can't think of anything to write. That does not mean I'm black

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why is 6 scared of 7? because 7 eight 9

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Q: What did the architect say after he tripped? A: My mother died of cancer when I was 6.

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Roses are red, violets are violet. I'm not stupid.

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tomatoe tomato my toe is named tom

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Where do you send a Jew with ADD? A concentration camp.

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How did the newborn baby come out of a man? It was ejaculated as a sperm from his testicles

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Why did Zayne have no friends? Because he is retarded.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer pressure _._._

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Q: What kind of punch do vampires drink ? A: None... It's really blood, you should know that by now.

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A shark walks into a bar. The bartender asks someone to call animal control to remove the nearly-dead sea creature from his bar.

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What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a Brazilian Aristocrat? I don't know.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was black.

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Where did sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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