Two men were patients at a mental institution. One was named Dave, the other named John. Dave very quietly said, "Hello, my name is Dave, and I have a violent form of phonophobia, so please do not-" "DICK!" Dave promptly strangled John. John had Tourettes Syndrome.

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Your mother is so ugly that I removed her from my friends list on Facebook.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Given the unlikely circumstance in which an elephant actually does sit on your fence, it is equally unlikely said elephant would be able to do so unseen by witnesses, of whom you may ask what time the event occurred. Assuming your witness thought to look at the time befor calling animal control.

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Why didn't the man fall off his bicycle? Because He wasn't riding a bicycle!

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Why did the airplane crash? A loaf of bread was the pilot.

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If I had a nickel for every time I heard that... I'd most likely have no money as I would spend it all on cocaine.

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Q:Why is 6 afraid of 7? A: he isn't because 6 and 7 are both concepts that cannot have fear like a living being

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So there we were, climbing Mount Kjerag and we take a break. So I decided to tell you a joke. "Isn't this nice, just hanging around? See it's funny because we're suspended over 1000 metres in the air by our harnesses, except that you're not because I cut yours and now you're falling and you're gonna die." But I had done all that before I told you the joke so you didn't hear me and now I'll have to cut my harness and try to catch up to you so I can repeat myself. Great job, ya prick.

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what did sushi A say to sushi B? Nothing, because sushi is composed of aboitic fish, rice and other nutritious components and cannot speak

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Nicole: Shove it where the sun don't shine! Katlyn: I'm richer than you! Nicole: Shut your frickin' mouth! Katlyn: You'll be bankrupt! (This conversation was recorded while Nicole and Katlyn were playing Monopoly. They both died in a car accident later that day...)

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Why did I write this joke Because I'm board as hell

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A new born baby is left alone in his crib after a long day of playing, He gets taken out of his crib for his first meal with his grandparents, he is excited, His grandparents come in and after the usual praising of the child they sit down for dinner, They are having chicken, His mother puts the spoon to his mouth, He chews it and swallows it, It gets stuck in his throat and he suffocates and dies.

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What do you call a black person living in the US? An African American.

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What do you call a black Decepticon? Niggatron. What Pokemon is black? Niggachu. What lives in the sewers, eats pizza and is black? Teenage Mutant Nigga Turtles. What is Disney's most racist children's book? Winnie the Pooh and Nigger Too.

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Y the girl tuch her butt she tried To get dookie

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Yo mom is so stinky that when she gets in a room every one leaves the room

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Q. Why dont people like rian mcreesh ? A. Because he smells bad and gives off a creepy vibe ...

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Person 1: "Broo my dicks like 19 inches!" Person 2: "Thas not healthy, an erection that big will deprive your brain of too much blood and kill you."

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rose are red violets should be purple

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Why was the boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Je veux avoir des relations sexuelles avec toi.

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Knock knock, Who's there? Banana Banana who? Banana Smith, I'm here for the Smith Family Reunion.

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Hey! What dhujv hushichk jgdwrggy man? Go home Sally, you're drunk

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What has potential but is in fact disappointing? This joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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