Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. Up Jack got, and home did trot, as fast as he could caper, to old Dame Dob, who proceeded to get Jill convicted of attempted murder, as well as several millions of dollars for pain and suffering.

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Whats the saddest part about the sandy hook shooting? There were still bullets in the clip... Im going to hell by the way.

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Why couldn't the teenage pirate get into the movie? Because he lacked the required money for the ticket.

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Why are New Yorkers hated on so much? Becuase the Yankees suck ass.

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Why did the chicken commit suicide? No one knows, he didn't leave a note.

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When life gives you limes, say hey! wait a second ,aren't these meant to be lemons? then kill yourself

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Why was the black person playing hockey? Because he found an interest to the sport during his childhood years.

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the bible

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"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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If you are riding on a boat and all the wheels fall off, how many pancakes would it take to make a dog house? It does not matter because fish don't like tomatoes.

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What did the Mexican, the European, and the Canadian all have in common? They weren't used in this joke the last time someone posted it on anti-joke.com.

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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What's the difference between a pessimist and a magnet? One is made of flesh and can talk, think and do things. The other is made of metal and can only pull things towards itself or push them away. But strangely, the latter is a lot more welcome in most situations.

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Why was Martha put in a wheelchair? She was hit by a rabid cabbage.

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What is the difference between a duck? one of its legs is both the same.

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What boy with no arms get on his birthday? Lego.

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What do you call 1 + 1 = 2? i like boobs

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What does a cow do at McDonald's? He is eaten by obese people.

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing 'cause you done told the b i t c h twice!

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why do prostitutes do what they do? Because they have abusive fathers who always used them as sex slaves as children

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Q: How did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was dead Q: How did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was taped on to the first one!

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hello

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A American, a Brit and a Mexican decided to bet on who could tell the funniest joke. The one that won told a great joke indeed.

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What happened when a star exploded? It killed billions of other sentient beings.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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