What did the owl say when it fell out of the tree? Nothing. Owls don't talk.

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Why did god create planet earth? He isn't real.

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I used to be able to walk, but then I took an arrow to the knee. It tore my acl and shattered my kneecap.

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What's worse than 10 babies stapled to a tree? The Holocaust.

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Q:Whats Brown and sticky? A:Maple Syrup

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ur mamas so ugly cause when she looked up at the sky it started to rain

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What do you call a person with no arms, legs, and teeth singing in the middle of the street while spinning? I don't know.

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What do you call a Black person in a city with high crime rates? Whatever their name happens to be.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it's hot in here." The other muffin doesn't say anything because it is a muffin.

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This week only, 2 for 1 misdemeanor shop lifting arrest. How can I do it? Because I can.

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Why did the man's pants fall down? He was not wearing a belt and had recently lost some weight.

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BOB:i feall like a hotdog JOE:u r what u eat BOB:no wonder your a d!(k JOE:f*** u

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Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: A bleeding penguin.

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What did the German say to the Rabbi? Hello. The German was also Jewish

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Excuse me, I have a shitload of stuff to do, so you are Eliza huh? I thought that was just one person conveying something to someone. Anyway, what is your name? My name is actually Nero, but you do not strike me as an Eliza, first name is more than enough. You know, if you dare, Ill be back shortly, I was gonna shower but then again, I haven't moved at all today, so yeah. Saved you? I have never saved anyone well, excuse me then, see you around, worry less about people bothering with us chatting, hell they might risk learning something (not a chance, people here are fucking jackasses, with one exception, and I do not mean me this time).

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A group of 8 paintbal professionals land on an island to battle another paintball team. The team is then faced by a challeng of the other team ambushing them. Everyone is okay and not touched. A case breaks the window of the bus they hide in. They open the case and find a bullet proof vest. A man placed the vest on himself. They made it one by one out of the bus and to the otherside of the field the man with the vest was shot and started going... eghegeheghdjrhherbehgh and they pulled out a real gun bulet. They were now under attack by an enemy with real amunation. Then next man to run across the fied was killed. Tehy ran fr their lives.

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What do you call a group of black men stampeding down a hill? Dangerous, so they should slow down!

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms, legs, and an eyepatch A: Names

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What did the mother do when she found out the baby was stillborn? Gave it a proper burial, grieved for months and became a shell of her former self.

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A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 20 years later he would gamble away his life savings and then go onto live a lonely and unfulfilled life.

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what did the man living in the box buy with his new found money? A bigger box.

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A man is talking with his friend when suddenly he picks up a banana. He starts talking with the banana, and after a while of conversing the man sadly puts down his banana and says to his friend, "I'm sorry but your son has just died in a horrible accident."

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How do you greet a small mexican man at Chuck E. Cheese? Whatsup Jose

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A chronic hemophilliac walks into a bar. He cuts himself and bleeds to death.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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