Why couldn't the child go to the park? He was a registered sex offender.

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Elephants can't jump higher than the tallest building. You know why? It's because buildings can't jump.

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What is the difference between John and John Nothing

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Q.How do you wake up Lady Gaga? A.You don't. You kill her.

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A horse walks into a bar. The horse says "why the short face?"

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A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

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What's black and fast? A treadmill.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

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A girl accidentally clicks on an advertisement while on anti-jokes.com, the girl silently curses and quickly presses the back button.

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Bear walks into bar and says to eagle may I have a................... drink eagle says why the long pause hohahahohahahohaha

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why did susie fall off the dollar coaster? it only cost 50 cents susie is gone now

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Why does Rupert The Bear wear checkered trousers? Because he's a twat.

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What did the monkey say to the receptionist? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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Help i have fallen and i cannont get up Life alert life alert To bad just sit there we dont care

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3 blind mice walk into a bar. they have no idea of their surroundings and are quickly crushed to death.

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Whats black, white, and red all over? Hot sauce on a checkerboard.

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why couldn't randy turn on his computer? randy is blind and had mistaken his refrigerator for his computer.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Do you know what kind of world I dream of? Until you tell me, no I don't. How could I? I'm not telepathic, after all.

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Why did the Mexican get arrested? Because he crossed the border.

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How did the baby survive the car accident? He didn't. He was killed on impact.

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All the kids at school we're playing soccer on a sunny day except Jenny, because she had a headache and didn't come to school that day

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What is green and has wheels? A blue car.

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One day a boy asks his teacher what blue velvet is then the teacher says "we don't ask questions like that in my class go to principal's office now"so the boy goes to the principal's office and then the boy asks "what is blue velvet"then the principal says"no one says that in my school get out" so the boy goes home and asks his mom what is blue velvet then his mom says you don't say stuff like that in my house get out!so the boy see's the Mayer. So the boy asks the Mayer what blue velvet is then the Mayer says no one says that in my town get out of my town! So the boy see's a man and the boy goes to the man and the man asks what happend to you and the boy says well I got kicked out of school kicked out of my house and got thrown out of town just because i asked what blue velvet is! So the man tells the boy that there is a lady across the street. So the boy is in the road and then the boy gets ran over and dies. So the lesson here is look both ways before crossing a street

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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