*knock knock* *knock knock * ? ? The man didnt answer because he died of a stroke

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What's red, white, and blue? light purple

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Q. What's brown and circular? A. MEATBALLS!

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What do we want? Equal rights for people with Tourette's Syndrome. When do we want them? Fuck!

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Who looks like a bird and can fly to hogwarts? Dean McKee. his scar is f u c k i n g rotten

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Why was the black guy convicted of a crime he didnt commit? Because in The American social syste

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I walked into temptation yesterday, He said hi.

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What does a dishwasher and the holocaust have in common? Not much.

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what did the postman say to the dog, nothing he doesnt speak dog....... but his mother in law does.

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Justin

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What's worse than holocaust jokes? The Rwandam Genocide.

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what did the iPhone say to the other iPhone. we should not worry about that because iPhones are mute

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Beethoven! It is true? Did you really lose your hearing? Yes.

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What do you get when you cross a jack-o-lantern and an antelope? Nothing. You wouldn't see an antelope by a pumpkin.

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How do you get a black man down from a tree? Cut the rope!

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whats the difference between a dead body and a car with doors that open in a diagnal manner one was never alive to begin with

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Your mother is so poor that she has to rely on government sent cheques to sustain a basic lifestyle.

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What did the fork say to the spoon? I have tongs and you don't. Ha.

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What did the little boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? Cancer..... Just Kidding! He got a bike!

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I farted and it smells like rotten ham with melted cottage cheese now dislike this please.

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A Muslim walked into a bar. He didn't drink anything

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Beluga Whale walk into a bar. The Priest says: "Well because today is a holy holiday, I'll take a glass of white wine to celebrate." The Rabbi says: "Well, because today I have to kindle thy sacred light, I'll have a glass of merlot." The Beluga Whale then says: "Ooooooooorrrrooooooommmmmmmm....."

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Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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