A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What do you call a New Zealander with 1000 lovers? A shepard

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Why was the black guy running away with a sack full of money? He was rushing to local charity to donate the money. It was closing in 2 minutes.

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Q: What's the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde? A: Whereas intelligent blondes are known to exist, most scientists discount the existence of Bigfoot and consider it to be a combination of folklore, misidentification, and hoax, rather than a living animal, in part because of the large numbers thought necessary to maintain a breeding population.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, What else is new?

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? a fridge was thrown at her

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Why does Suzie like to wear sunglasses? Because she's blind.

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A black guy NOT arrested for being black.

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why cant dogs write letters? They do not have the dexterity to hold a pen, or even comprehend the basic language skills and grammatical layout of how to write a letter

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Why was the little boy inside the house instead of playing with his friends outside? His dad just died from cancer.

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You read this in school as the kid sitting next to you stares at his computer screen.

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Why did the Asian man go into space? Because he was an astronaut.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartenders asks "Why the long face?"

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What do grass and cows have in common? They both say "moo" except for grass

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What does a blonde's pussy taste like? The same as her brain, cabbage.

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Q: what do you call a camel with a garbage bag on its head? A: A ziploc baggie

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A man walks into a bar, he says ouch.

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Hello we are from the church of the latter day saints.

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Why did the Chicken become a medium? To talk to the other side.

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How many Babies can be drowned in a toliet at once? idk the bathtub is much more convienient

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you wanna hear a good anti joke?, so do i

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How do you make a little girl laugh. You tell her something funny.

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a boy put a blanket oveer his head one night... He was warm for the rest of the night

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Why did Michael Jackson become white? He thought he saw a ghost.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops