What did the monkey say after its tail was run over by a lawnmower? It won't be long now.

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You were supposed to die 12 seconds ago....

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He is outside, running for it, Erron, seriously who is We? I thought you where an author.

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What do you call someone who sits on anti joke every day? Luke Skywalker

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What did the blind man say to the fish store owner? I would, 1 fish please.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.

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What’s worse than being ruled by Adolf Hitler? Being ruled by Joseph Stalin.

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What did the cool guy say to Kelly Clarkson? Nothing, she's fat.

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Knock knock Who's there? The events which followed are described by police as the August 4th massacre in which a family of five were brutally murdered by two prison escapees who broke into the house in search of a place to hideout.

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what did the boy with cancer get for Christmas a pair of shoes

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why was the monster truck late to the rally.. because it had no driver

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roses are red violets are blue do i care? no.

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What should you do when you're constipated? Poop.

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What do you call a dinosaur that doesn't lay eggs? A male dinosaur

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how could you not hav not died of dehyderation?

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Charlie Sheen is winning

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A girl hears a noise in the middle of the night in her kitchen downstairs. She walks down halfway through the staircase and asks if anyone is there, as if the intruder will say, "Yes, I'm in the kitchen. Want me to make you a sandwich?" *This will never happen. Movies are stupid when it comes to these scenes. No one will actually ask if anybody is there if they hear a noise in the middle of the night.*

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Why did the Mexican jump of the roof? Because he had a serious meth addiction that was destroying his family and he could not live with the awful things he did to get his fix.

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A man in a car turned left at the end of his road. Then he proceeded .1 miles and turned left again, as his GPS instructed him.

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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What did the farmer say to the chicken? Nothing, speaking to a bird would have been considered highly irregular, bordering on insane. He left the bird alone, until the time came to slaughter the bird and take it's nutritious meat.

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How many ants are in the kitchen? None. We killed them all.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can A hundred dead babies in a trash can Whats worse than a hundred dead babies in a trash can A live one at the bottom Whats worse than that It eats it way out Whats worse than that It brings friends

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What happened to the guy that took to many lunesta pills? He fell asleep but he was glad it was the weekend or he would have been late for his job

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops