Why did the police arrest the Escalade full of black men? Reckless driving. I lied, it was an asian woman.

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A man is hungry so he gets on his coat and shouts : "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!". His wife says not to because the police say the rapist 'Eggman' is out again. He says he will be very careful. On his way he hears 'They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggmen-" and the man shouts: "AND I AM THE WAlRUS, SO GET THE HECK OUTTA MY FACE OR I WILL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" The Eggman and the man found two more people from Liverpool and formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band broke up.

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when life gives you lemons throw them away.. they are probably bad

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Why can't the blonde dial 911? Because she's been bound and gagged by kidnappers who are holding her for ransom.

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-What did the old lady have for dinner? -Dementia

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Q: When do you know you've had to much to drink? A: When the zebra in your belly button starts talking to you

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http://www.google.com/webhp?doodle=6201726X-hA7spmZ-pmZnpnn__-ynJTMzfAAADUAAAcaZmb9sN8GZmGIzMz9UzM3OmZm2n7__6430pmZuSZmZm___y1yGQYhiElhkGQZBkGYZBiGQZBkGQZBkGQZBkGQZBkGITCGQZBkE4hkGQZRkGIUSGIYhkEEhkGUXiGIXkGIXkGIXkGQXiGQXkGQXiGIZhiGIRiGEZhmE5hhGUViGQYRklohkFohkFpBiFpBkFpBkGQYhmEEhmGQYhJIYhlFkhkGQZFg&hl=en&nord=1 For alien signals

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An African american man fell out of a boat at sea. He swam back to the boat.

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whats worse then falling out of a tree? Cancer.

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? He was mauled by a bear!

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? A worm in your heart.

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What do you call a man running away from the bus? A man

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What's brown and adhesive? A stick

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What did the Jew say right before a boy threw a quarter in a fountain? Make a wish.

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what did the dog say to the mailman? "hey thanks for the mail" the mailman replies "your welcome"

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why was the black kid so good at basketball because he practiced a lot

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Q.) How do you make a whore blush? A.) Tell her she has pretty eyes.

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Whats better at driving? A pig or a chicken. Neither because they are animals and it is impossible for the to even posses the power of controlling a moving vehicle.

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What does a baby and a bowling ball share in common? They both displace a similar amount of water.

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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What did the mexican say when two houses fell on him? Nothing. He was dead.

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I feel like am motherf***ing stuck in this duck and it makes me wana quack like what the f**k is THAT!

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Lisa: Omg Karen, just had sex with Ben, his weiner was sooo tiny lol. Ben: I think you sent me the wrong text.

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Your mother is so fat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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